A Raccoon's Life
by raccoonqueen
Summary: The biography of Bert Raccoon Jr., the eldest son of President Bert Raccoon. Rated T for one suggestive scene; don't ask why.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Bert Raccoon Jr. was one of the most memorable members of the TFS; in fact, he was the strongest, quickest, and bravest of all of Bert's sons. Though he can be a tough guy all the time, he also has a soft heart for kids-being a family man himself, with five wives, seven sons, and thirteen daughters (a total of 20 kids in all), he would do anything to protect and save young Canericans from harm.

But the big question is...what was his life like before he became a cop? In answer to that question, we bring you the full biography of this raccoon, with events leading up to and after Charles' emergence from his Cryo-Freezer in the year 3008. This is his story...


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

June 9, 2015

It had only been a year after the Time Toon Cops stopped Dr. Hamsterviel. He, along with the other villains, were promptly sentenced to 2,000 years in prison, plus 1,000 hours of community service. Bert and Lisa were happily married and they began setting up residence in Washington DC. And now they were anticipating the greatest milestone of their lives-parenthood.

From the moment she first heard the two words uttered by Dr. Octavius Quack after a brief medical exam, Lisa looked forward to becoming a mom. What led her to the discovery that she was pregnant was the morning sickness; at one time, she nearly threw up on the kitchen floor after catching a whiff of Bert's peanut butter pancakes with eggs and bacon. And through those nine months she endured more of that, plus the mood swings and the cravings.

One day during what she hoped would be the last month of her pregnancy, Lisa lay back on the couch, looking up baby names. Then Bert came in through the door, evidently exhausted from all that extra training at the Time Toon Cops headquarters. Putting down the book, Lisa said, "Oh, Bert, you're here. Back so soon?"

"Yeah," sighed Bert, walking towards the couch. "You'll never believe what we did at the headquarters today-we had target practice, dealing with elusive highway robbers. So...anything new happened today?"

"None. Just catching up on some reading. I'm looking up some baby names."

Bert sat next to Lisa and gently put his paw on her swollen belly. He said, "Someday, Lisa...someday, our little one will be here, and our lives will be complete once that happens."

Lisa smiled. "I'm sure it will."

Later that night, Lisa woke up in bed with a dull pain in her back. She got up from bed and went to the bathroom. Standing there, gazing at the mirror, Lisa looked very much like the mother she wanted to be. She would be the perfect mother...and Bert the perfect father...her parents will be grandparents...and her little brother Bentley will be an uncle. Yes, it will be a dream come true...

Her reverie was suddenly put to a halt when she felt a pop within her. She looked down and became stunned to see a stream of warm and wet liquid dribbling down her furry legs. And that only meant one thing...

"BERT!" she yelled, jolting the said raccoon awake.

He replied, "W-what is it, Lisa? Is there something wrong?"

"...my water broke. That means the baby's coming! And by that, I mean RIGHT NOW!"


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Bert wasted no time getting Lisa to Washington General Hospital, where she was immediately clothed in a white hospital gown and brought to the labor/delivery room. After almost five hours of labor, it was time for the baby to be born. Dr. Quack murmured, "Okay, Mrs. Raccoon, the head's out now. If you can give us just one more push, we'll be able to see the shoulders next."

"Come on, Lisa!" cheered Bert. "You can do it! We're just one minute away from seeing our kid!"

"…hmm, this doesn't look right."

Bert glanced at Dr. Quack, who then sported a serious and concerned look on his face. "What's wrong? Is the baby okay?"

"If we don't act now, it _won't_ be okay, Mr. Raccoon. The umbilical cord is wrapped around the kit's neck-any tighter than that, and the poor fella won't breathe."

That's when Bert started to panic. But then he pulled himself together and started rolling up his sleeves. He said boldly, "There is no way-NO WAY-that I'm gonna let my son or daughter suffer like this! Don't worry, kiddo; I'll rescue you!"

"Uh, shouldn't you wash your paws first before attempting to rescue your…"

However, Bert didn't listen; using his finger, he simply and carefully lifted up the cord over the baby's head. Then he told Lisa to push again, and the kit was finally expelled in a rush. Gently lifting up the squirming and wailing kit and placing it on Lisa's stomach, Dr. Quack exclaimed, "It's a boy!"

Bert jumped up happily and pumped his fists in the air. "Wow! Lisa, we have a son! A healthy, bouncing, absolutely remarkable son! YAHOO! So…what are we gonna name him?"

Lisa cuddled her son lovingly. She replied softly, "Herbert Alexander Raccoon the Second. After you, of course."

"…nah, I prefer 'Bert Raccoon Jr.'."

"Bert Raccoon Jr.?"

"Yes. But we'll call him 'Bert Jr.' for short. I got a hunch that he's gonna grow up to be a great hero someday."

Lisa smiled, before stroking the wet fuzzy fur on the kit's head and kissing it. She whispered, "Good morning, Bert Jr. Welcome to the world…"

The following day, an announcement was sent to the newspapers. It read:

_Bert and Lisa Raccoon are happy to announce the birth of their son, Bert Alexander Raccoon Jr., born June 10, 2015, at 5:21 A.M., five pounds, 10 ounces, seventeen inches (including the tail). Both mother and baby are fine; grandparents pleased._

The proud grandparents in question were Lisa's parents, George and Nicole Raccoon. After having heard of little Bert Jr.'s birth, they immediately came down from the Evergreen Forest to see him. Even Bentley came over, desperately wanting to see his newborn nephew. When the Time Toon Cops also came to see them, they were surprised. The kit's resemblance to his father was almost remarkable-the same bent ears, the same bent nose, those eyes. It took the famous saying "Like father, like son" to a whole new level...visually, that is.

"I gotta hand it to you, Bert," said President Charles Roberts, sticking his finger out for Bert Jr. to grasp. "You and Lisa didn't lose time when you created this little guy."

Bert replied with a chuckle, "Oh, you better believe it. It was kinda strange when we realized that our kid had been conceived while we were still on our honeymoon in Rome...other than that, I feel good about being a dad for the first time. Say, Charles...would you like it if...if we chose you and Blaze to be his godparents?"

Charles stared at him, before smiling. "Me? Bert Jr.'s godfather? Man, I feel so honored..."

"At first, our choices were either Cedric and Sophia or Ralph and Melissa. But then I decided to choose you, because you had been a very close friend of mine. Heck, we've known each other since the day I joined the force...and I'm pretty sure Bert Jr. here will be looking up to you a lot in the years to come."

Charles smiled, as he looked back down at the raccoon kit, who was cooing at him curiously. He had a thousand thoughts running through his mind, including his decision to resign his presidency and let Bert take over, but from the moment he looked at the kit a new responsibility dawned on him. Patting him gently on the head, Charles said, "The next time I see you, I promise I'll always be the best godfather I can be...always."

Soon, both Lisa and Bert Jr. were discharged from the hospital. A couple of weeks later, Bert Jr. was christened at the Toon Church; it was the biggest celebration in Washington DC since Bert and Lisa's wedding, with tons of family and friends being gathered there. Charles and Blaze were also there, having accepted their roles as the young kit's godparents.

The new family went home after the party was over. As he settled his son down in his nursery that night, Bert looked around at all the gifts in the room that his friends had given. Dreams of the future began to swirl around in his head. He figured that this young raccoon kit would grow up to be more than just a big hero-he'd be the one to carry on the family legacy, should his father die. More than ever, Bert wanted Bert Jr. to become a Time Toon Cop like him, protecting the human world and toon world from danger.

He placed Bert Jr. into his crib and patted his head. He whispered, "Just you wait and see, kiddo...there's gonna be a bright future headed your way soon...a very good one." And with that, he walked away from the crib, turned out the nursery light, and shut the door behind him. But what he didn't know is that what he said about the future would soon become a reality.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The first few weeks of Bert Jr.'s life were hectic for Bert and Lisa. They had to change every diaper he soiled, feed him every bottle of formula he screamed for, and had to comfort him when he cried every night. But still, he was happy and healthy, so long as his parents were there for him to attend to his daily needs.

Then one day, something happened that changed the family's lives forever. It all started on a fine warm day in July, when Lisa was in the kitchen, bottle-feeding Bert Jr. That was when Bert bust through the front door, an excited smile on his face. He shouted, "Hey, Lisa! Guess what? We're moving to the White House, and I'm going to become president!"

Startled, Lisa dropped the bottle, causing it to fall on the floor with a crash and making the formula spill out. Bert Jr. did not like his lunch being interrupted, and he was about to wail; he had to hold it back when he watched his parents talk. Being a baby, he was much too young to understand what was going on, but he could tell from the looks on their faces that they were very happy about something.

"Was Charles still the president?" Lisa asked.

Bert replied, "No, he resigned. He froze himself in a Cryo-Freezer, and he won't be up till the 994 years are over. Right now, I am going to take his place."

"Well, that's...sort of exciting. You've always wanted to be a leader, and since he saw you in the past, he must've given you a chance to finish what he started."

"Yes, Lisa...by making this world a better place."

Lisa turned to Bert Jr. and said with a smile, "Did you hear that, sweetie? Your daddy's going to be a president."

"Yeah! You'll even get a much better nursery. And best of all, we may get to stay with Auntie Blaze there. Isn't that cool?" When Bert Jr. looked up at his father and cooed quizzically, he continued, "Aw, don't worry, little buddy. It's for the best-we all have to accept changes sometimes, especially the big ones, so there's no need to be scared."

Several more months passed. Just as news reports of the upcoming presidential election grew bigger, so did Bert Jr.; he had accomplished milestone after milestone at a faster rate, learning to roll over and crawl on his own during those months. When he was five months old in November, Election Day finally arrived. The votes were in, and it was all up to the people to decide who the next president should be.

Everyone was practically glued to the TV that night. Since Bert Jr. hasn't yet learned to sit up without support, his mother had to hold him in her lap while they watched for the results. They listened intently as Kent Brockman announced the final results of the election.

"I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one," said Sky. "I just hope Bert wins; knowing him, he _will _make this country a much better place."

Ralph nodded. He replied, "That's right. But what if he doesn't win?"

Lisa cringed at hearing the question. _What if he doesn't win? _It's hard for her to think about it. She hoped and prayed with all her heart that her husband would win this presidential race; she'd still love him even if he lost. There would always be a next time.

Just then, Brandy shouted, "Guys, hush! This is it!"

Brockman concluded, "...and the winner of the race and the new president of the United States is...Bert Raccoon! The winner is Bert Raccoon!"

The TTC members cheered wildly, while Lisa shed a happy tear from her eye. She set Bert Jr. down and watched as he crawled up to the TV screen, where Bert's face was shown. The raccoon kit smiled and placed his paw on the screen, hoping to touch his father's face through there. And, if the grown-ups listened closely, they would hear him coo, "Da...da..."

The following year, Bert was sworn in and he gave his first inaugural address in front of thousands of eager Americans. It was then he announced that he's planning to merge the US and Canada together, forming a new country that would forever be known as the United States of Canerica. There was something else he also announced-instead of the usual four years in office, he declared himself president for life. No way he is ever going to give up his position, not even after four years...and it was the one thing the citizens promised they would always honor for as long as the nation stands.

The following day, Bert, Lisa, and Bert Jr. left their house in the suburbs behind and headed for their new home, the White House. They met Blaze there, who had already sent for the movers to transport her husband's frozen body to Detroit.

"It's very nice of you to agree to Bert's idea of staying with us," said First Lady Lisa Raccoon, holding Bert Jr. in her arms. "I'm sure you'll never forget your husband."

"Yes," said Blaze under her breath. "And when the 994 years are over, I'll be waiting for him."

"Me, too," said Bert warmly. He then smiled cheerfully and said, "How about some Strawberry Kool-Aid with some oatmeal cookies? At least that will cheer you up."

Blaze smiled back and said, "Yes. I would love some."

As soon as they had set foot into the White House, Bert and Lisa went to show Bert Jr. his brand-new nursery. Bert said, "So, little buddy, what do you think?"

Bert Jr. looked around the room in awe. It was much bigger and wider than the nursery he used to sleep in back in their old house; in fact, it was a lot more better than his old nursery, just like his father promised. The walls were painted in shades of green and it was done with a jungle theme, with monkeys, giraffes, lions, tigers, and bears...oh, my. There were even toys depicting the said animals, as well as the usual nursery furniture-a crib, a rocking chair, a diaper pail, and a changing table. Bert put his son down on the ground, so the young kit could crawl around the room to explore.

"Well, now that we've become a First Family," said Lisa. "What do you think is the first thing you'll do?"

Bert replied, "Good question. The only concern I have in mind is immigration; you know Mexicans aren't the only people who are gonna come to the country unnoticed, without getting caught by the authorities. For that reason, I'm gonna get rid of the boaters from the coastlines of Washington to the coastlines of Maine, and the Boater Patrol as well; they'll still keep Mexico's borders and let them immigrate into Canerica. And passports for Canerican citizens-forget about it! They don't need those things to travel to anywhere they want to go."

"That's a start."

"Heh, it sure is. And there's a lot more where that came from..."

Bert Jr. by this time was still exploring his new room, and he was hanging on to the sides of the crib as he strode along. It was evident that the toddler was trying to teach himself how to walk; several times he tried to attempt his first steps and several times he had fallen down, but he never gave up. After he let go and he fell down for the eighth time in a row, he looked up at his parents. Upon seeing his father, Bert Jr. smiled-perhaps this was a sign to him that he should still keep trying. Using the crib again for support, he stood back up; after that he let go once more and waited to see what would happen. Then he tried to take a step, his feet and legs unsteady, as he began toddling towards his parents. And Bert was the first to notice this.

"Lisa...L-Lisa! Look! It's Bert Jr.! And...he's...he's walking! He's walking!"

Lisa looked over to where her husband was pointing to and gasped. There was her son, giggling happily and stumbling towards them with uneasy steps. What surprised them even more was when he started opening his mouth and cooed, "Da...da...da..."

"Bert," she said, stunned. "I don't believe this..."

"I don't either! Only seven months old, and he's finally learning how to walk! Must've been an early bloomer. Wait a minute...is that what I _think _he's trying to say?"

Bert Jr. continued to toddle towards his parents, heading straight to his father. Bert chuckled and picked him up, saying, "What is it now, little buddy?"

The raccoon kit looked up at him, before cooing, "Da...da...daaaa...DADA!"

Both Bert and Lisa stared at their son in amazement. They couldn't believe what they just heard straight out of the kit's mouth-his first word! Lisa said, "Wow...his first word. Bert, he was talking about you! You are his first word!"

"What do you know?" muttered Bert with an amused chuckle, as he hugged his son. "Maybe this kid may turn out to be so smart after all. Just like his old man."

Lisa took Bert Jr. from him and said to the kit, "Bert Jr., honey, what about me? Can you say 'Mama'?"

Bert Jr. looked at Lisa and cooed, "Ma...ma...Mama."

She smiled warmly and cuddled him. Bert commented, "Dada, Mama...now _those _are his first two words. We're never gonna forget that."

And neither would Bert Jr.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Bert Jr. was growing a bit more bigger every day. He had learned how to walk and talk; with the talking part he began to increase his vocabulary from only two words to 200 or more. As he was growing up, several events came to pass during the first two years of his father's presidency: the founding of the First Amalgamated Church, Vice-President Bugs Bunny's fall from grace, the Great Produce Panic of 2017, and the Great Big Transcontinental Race. The race itself was a special event for all the empire; it was used to determine who will be the new vice-president. Sure enough, Ralph Raccoon won and he was sworn in.

Then one day when Bert Jr. was two, another event happened in the White House that had a huge impact on his life...it was the day he found out that he was going to be a big brother. One morning, while the grown-ups were discussing the news of the premiere of Bentley's first movie coming out, he asked, "Mama...why is your tummy getting so big? Did you eat a horse or something?"

Bert and Lisa tried to hold back their laughter at hearing their son's inquiry. Bert replied, "Your mom didn't eat a horse, per se. What is really going on is that you're gonna have a baby brother or sister soon."

"Is that why her tummy's huge?"

"Exactly."

"Then how did the kit get in there?"

That came out unexpected. Bert wondered, is his son truly ready for the "birds and bees" speech? He's only two years old, for goodness sakes! He muttered, "Uh...Bert Jr., I understand you want to know how babies are made, but I'm going to keep this plain and simple for ya, okay? You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they..."

"Bert!" scolded Lisa. "Don't say it in front of him! He's much too young for that!"

"But, Lisa...he only asked a question."

Lisa sighed. Then Blaze spoke up. She said, "I'll save us a couple of minutes...sweetheart, would you like to come with me so we can talk about this?"

Bert Jr. nodded. He followed the cat out of the dining room to his nursery; once there, she sat him on his bed and explained everything. "Now, Bert Jr., what your father was trying to say...is when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, they decide to make a baby to love and take care of."

"How?" asked Bert Jr. "Did they call a stork and ask him for one?"

"...well, sort of like that. But one day when you get older, you'll get the whole story behind it all."

"Oh...then maybe the stork brought the baby...and put it inside Mama. Like a Christmas present when you wrap it up in a box."

"Like I said, you'll understand it eventually. For now, you should look forward to having a new sibling to play with."

"...Auntie Blaze, when you were little like me, did you have any brothers or sisters?"

Blaze nodded and replied, "I had an older brother. His name was Typhoon. He and I never got along very well when I was born...but we eventually got over it, and he still sees me every now and then. So you see, Bert Jr.? When your new brother or sister gets here, you may not like him or her at first, but as time goes by you'll learn that he or she will warm up to you and you'll be best friends for life."

However, Bert Jr. was going to find that out the hard way five months later. It was during the premiere of the movie _Wiz Kid _on April 25, 2018; the presidential family had started to go home after the film was over. In the car, Lisa began to feel what she thought was a contraction.

"Something's not quite right," she murmurred. "It wasn't supposed to happen..."

Bert looked at her. "Lisa? What's the matter?"

"I just felt a contraction."

"Does that mean the baby's coming? I thought Dr. Quack said you were due on the 30th, and today's the 25th."

"I know...but it's five days too early and it sounds like the kit doesn't want to wait any longer."

This was a sign to him that it meant something serious. He quickly alerted the chauffeur to press the Teleport Button, and the presidential limo was soon teleported all the way back to Washington DC. Unfortunately, with the kit coming in fast, there was no time to get to the hospital; instead, Bert took her straight to the White House and called Dr. Quack to meet him there.

Poor Bert Jr. had to wait patiently in his room with Nose Marie, while his mother was in the other room giving birth. Very recently he had started to share a bond with the Pound Puppy; from the time when he was a newborn, Nose Marie had been tasked with the job of looking after Bert Jr. whenever his original caretaker (Blaze) had something else to do. He regarded her as his "second mother"-kind, patient, and altogether very loving. A couple more hours passed, Bert peered into the nursery. Nose Marie asked, "How did the delivery go?"

"I had no idea he would come that quick," replied Bert, wiping sweat off his brow. "Three hours of labor and one minute later, he arrived like a bolt of lightning. Anyway..." He turned to Bert Jr. and continued happily, "How would you like to come on over and take a good look at your new baby brother?"

A brother! Bert Jr. beamed at the revelation. He finally had a little brother! Without saying a word, he followed his father to the West Wing, towards the bedroom where Lisa lay. In the room with her were Ralph, Melissa, George, and Nicole.

Dr. Quack noticed the raccoon kit and said, "Ah, young Bert Raccoon Jr.! It's been a long time since I've last seen you, huh? Go see your mommy-she's got a little surprise waiting for you."

Bert Jr. walked over to his mother's bedside and saw that she was holding a mewling young raccoon kit, wrapped up in a bathroom towel. He chuckled and said, "He looks just like great-uncle Ralph."

"That's your new baby brother, sweetheart," replied Lisa softly, giving him a tired smile. "Rocky Raccoon. Isn't he beautiful?"

The newborn kit whimpered for a few moments, before beginning to open his eyes. He looked around, taking in the sights and sounds of the new world around him, before spotting Bert Jr.; the older kit smiled at him, earning an amused coo from the infant himself. Melissa commented, "They're already starting to like each other."

Bert Jr. leaned closer to Rocky, who hiccupped. Suddenly, the baby raccoon reached out and tweaked his bent nose. Bert Jr. howled from the pain that Rocky did; a couple of seconds later, Rocky cried as well. And that was how sibling rivalry between the two kits got started.

Bert Jr. and Rocky's relationship was rough for the next three years. Fighting over the TV remote. Accusing one another of stealing toys. Pillow fights that get completely out of control. Annoyed by the constant arguing between their sons, Bert and Lisa feared that it could get worse if it ever continued. But all that was about to change...

Since both parents were busy with their duties, six-year-old Bert Jr. and three-year-old Rocky had to be dropped off at the Roberts' place in Denver, Colorado. The city was still recovering from the big tornado disaster that occurred four years earlier, but despite the broken buildings and wrecked roads it was a lovely capital. They arrived at a large mansion in the suburbs, which was home to Charles Roberts III, his wife Colleen, and their four children.

When the boys were given a tour of their caregivers' home, Bert Jr. was mesmerized by all the wrestling memorabilia and paraphenalia dotting the walls. From what he learned from the things he saw, Charles III was a championship wrestler; the stories his father had told him about the matches he participated in seemed so real to the raccoon kit as he continued to walk around.

"Auntie Colleen," asked Rocky. "What is all dat stuff in dis woom?"

Colleen replied, "Wrestling stuff, dear. They belong to Uncle Charles III."

"Oh...what's wesslin'?"

"Wrestling is a kind of fighting sport," said Bert Jr. He tried, just as simple as he could, to explain to his baby brother exactly what wrestling is. "It's where two big strong grown-ups try to pin each other down and use special moves."

"Does it hurt?"

"A lot, sometimes. But most of the time they're just stunts...which we're not allowed to do 'cause we're so little."

Colleen led the boys to the backyard, where her kids were playing. Three of the children she had were from a previous marriage-their names were Jaycee, Vin, and Gerri. The fourth one, aged almost a year old, was their baby half-sister, a human/collie hybrid named Sarah. The oldest of the quartet of puppies, Jaycee Roberts was 12 years old. She was a collie/golden lab mix with bright yellow fur and blue eyes. Her younger brother Vin Roberts was ten, a labrador puppy with brown-and-white fur and green eyes. And the youngest one at six, Gerri Roberts, was a black lab puppy (Hunter's mom was a black labrador), with her fur-hair in pigtails. And little Sarah Roberts, although she had human blood, she resembled her mother by her outward appearance.

"So you must be Bert Jr. and Rocky!" said Jaycee, tossing her basketball into the net. "Dad has told us a lot about you two."

Bert Jr. said, "Well, our mom and dad were going to be real busy, so they asked him and Aunt Colleen to look after us for a little while."

"You're more than welcome to come play with my siblings here. Not me, though. I'm practicing for the basketball finals at Foghorn Leghorn Middle School. Go, Roosters!"

"...I can play basketball."

"Really?" said Vin.

"It's true, I'm not lying. Mom taught me how to play it."

While Bert Jr., Jaycee, Vin, and Gerri played together, Rocky and Sarah sat in the sandbox. Though Rocky was a little shy about making new friends, he decided to break the ice by bringing over his favorite toy. He said, "Look, Sarah. This is my ball."

Sarah looked at the small red ball he was holding in his paw; she reached out to touch it, feeling its rubbery exterior all around its edges. Sarah cooed in awe.

"Yep," continued Rocky. "An' it's my favoritest toy in da world. I can bounce it up an' down, like this..." He demonstrated by bouncing the rubber ball in front of him. "...an' I can throw it at a wall an' catch it. Like this!" Then he procceded to throw the ball at a fence repeatedly, catching it every time it bounces back.

The puppy giggled and clapped her paws happily. Rocky said, "So, you see, those are the ball tricks I learned from Daddy. Maybe when you're bigger, I'll let you play with it an' you can show me the same moves I showed you."

They all played together for some time. Then Colleen came out and said, "Kids! I just got a call from your Aunt Brunhilda. She says she's coming all the way from Britain for a visit."

"Auntie Brunie's coming?" gasped Gerri. "I wonder what she's gonna get me this time. Last year, she brought me a teddy bear."

"And of course, she's not the only one. Cousin Bruno is coming for a visit, too."

The kids groaned. Vin complained, "Oh, no, not him again!"

"Who's Cousin Bruno?" asked Bert Jr., as soon as Colleen went back inside.

"He's our cousin...or, as I'd rather put it, a big bully of a cousin."

Gerri added, "He always picked on us every time he came over to play. Stuffing our faces into the sandbox, taking away our lunches, breaking our toys, pushing us around..."

"And all while Mom wasn't even looking," concluded Jaycee. "Usually, I'm not one of his targets, but he still says mean and rude stuff to me every once in a while. He picks on younger people like Vin and Gerri...and I'm afraid little Sarah might be his new victim, if we're not around to protect her. For all I know...Bruno _hates _babies."

Bert Jr. stared at them. "He does?"

When they nodded, he gazed over at Rocky and Sarah, still playing oblivious to the coming danger headed for them. He didn't like Rocky very much, but as his parents always reminded him time and again, it was his duty as a big brother to protect others who are younger than him...even his own little brother.

Just then, the ground began to shake, as heavy footsteps were heard heading for the backyard door. The door burst open and out came the meanest bulldog puppy in the universe...Bruno McClellan!

"Hello, cousins," he said with a smirk. "What's up? It's been quite a long time since we've played together."

Jaycee, Vin, and Gerri backed away nervously. Jaycee muttered, "Oh, uh...hi, Bruno. Heh...long time no see."

Bruno grabbed Jaycee by the T-shirt and glared at her. He growled, "Remember that toy of mine that you 'accidentally' broke to pieces? You owe me fifty dollars to get me a new one!"

"But it's my allowance money!" protested Jaycee. "I'm saving it up to get a new notebook for school!"

"Humph, your loss." He kicked her in the shins, causing her to keel over in pain. He forced his paw into her pocket to take out her money. "Use a paper towel instead, then."

"Hey!" shouted Gerri angrily. "You'd better give our sister her money back, our else!"

"Or else WHAT?"

"Um...I'll hit you?"

Bruno grabbed both Vin and Gerri, and knocked them out by clonking each other on their heads. Both puppies sat up, groaning in pain. Finally, he looked up and saw Bert Jr. glaring at him. He sneered, "And who the heck are _you_?"

"I'm Bert Raccoon Jr.," replied Bert Jr. boldly. "And I don't like what you're doing to my new friends, beating them up and taking their money. If you don't leave us alone, I'll...I'll..."

When he started putting up his little fists and got into a fighting stance, Bruno started to laugh real hard. "You? A puny little kit? Fat chance, Small Fry. I'm stronger and tougher and older than you are! Hey, even I'm older than that little baby in the sandbox over there. Waaaaaait a second..."

"Are you talking about Rocky? He's _not _a baby, so leave him alone, too!"

"He _is _a baby, you dumb-dumb, and I'm gonna prove my point. Watch."

He stomped over to the sandbox where Rocky and Sarah were taking turns rolling the red ball to each other. Then he reached over and took it away from them. Rocky gasped and shouted, "Hey! Dat's my ball! Give it back, you meanie!"

Bruno snickered and replied, "You want your ball? I dare ya to come and get it!"

Rocky got up and tried to reach for the ball in Bruno's paw, but he was too small and too short. Bruno smirked and tossed the ball way over the fence, where it landed onto the road and got popped by a car passing by. Rocky whispered sadly, "No..."

"Now, look what you've done!" said Bert Jr. "That was Rocky's only toy! Grandma got it for him for his birthday last year!"

"Yeah, right. And whatcha gonna do about it?"

Rocky, still saddened by the loss of his toy, began to sit down on the grass and cry. Sarah soon joined in by wailing loudly. For the first time since Rocky's birth, Bert Jr. felt angered by the fact that the bully made his little brother cry. With that in mind, he marched towards Bruno and, with a growl, punched him in the side. "Take that!"

"Ow!" roared Bruno. "What did you do _that _for, shrimp?"

"For breaking his ball and making him cry, that's what!" retorted Bert Jr.

"Trying to take me down, eh? You asked for it!"

The puppy and raccoon kit began tussling around fighting each other, while the other kids watched. Meanwhile, Colleen was inside talking with her sister when they heard a commotion in the backyard. Brunhilda asked, "Oh, dear...something doesn't sound right the way the children are playing."

"I'll go check and see if everything's all right," replied Colleen, getting up from the coffee table and walking towards the screen door.

The moment she got to the backyard, Bruno and Bert Jr. were still fighting. That's when Bruno struck the raccoon kit in the nose, sending him reeling backwards into a mud puddle. Colleen gasped and shouted, "What on earth is going on here?"

Bert Jr. looked about himself, noticing that his clothes were all dirty. He looked back at Bruno and glared at him angrily, while Bruno laughed hard at the sight.

Later, Bert Jr. and Rocky went sent back home to Washington DC. Their parents were upset about what had transpired at the Roberts' that day, but Bert simply reassured them that things will get better again soon and the whole incident would be forgotten. Bert Jr. was in his bedroom, moping about his defeat, when Rocky toddled in. He asked, "Bert Jr., are you okay?"

"I'm fine, I guess," he replied with a sigh. "Only that I'm stunned that Bruno hit me and got me all dirty. I should have been stronger..."

Rocky thought about it for a while, before walking out of the room. He returned with a wishbone in his paw, crawling onto Bert Jr.'s bed and sitting in front of him. He said, "Um, I just wanna say that I'm sowwy for making things bad for you since the day I was born."

"I don't blame you."

"...here, I saved dis wishbone from last year's Thanksgiving dinner. Mama told me that if two people hold both ends of it an' bweak it as they make a wish, whoever has da short end will get his or her wish."

Bert Jr. looked at the wishbone his brother was presenting him. "What are you gonna wish for?"

"Nuh-uh! I'm not gonna tell you, or it won't happen. An' you're not 'sposed to tell me _your _wish yet, either."

"Oh...okay. If you insist."

They both held the ends of the wishbone and pulled hard until it snapped in two. Bert Jr. looked at his piece, which is long. Rocky's was short. He beamed at this realization and said, "Hey, I got the short piece! Now do you wanna know what I wished for?"

"I don't know," said Bert Jr., shrugging. "What?"

Rocky smiled, before crawling up to hug him. "I wished that the bestest big bwother in da whole wide world would also be my bestest fwiend."

Bert Jr. smiled, before hugging his little brother back. Sibling rivalry has officially ended, thanks to that heartwarming wish.


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Then came the teen years, the most turbulent part of Bert Jr.'s life. He dreaded every aspect of puberty-the changes in his body, the changes in his voice, and the changes in the way he thinks. And acne! Now _that _was a complete nightmare for him! However, the only thing that made him grateful about growing up is that he had his first girlfriend.

To tell the truth, Bert Jr. didn't develop an interest in girls until he was about 14. At Kevin Gillis Middle School, he was an amiable yet shy young raccoon who mainly focused his mind on activities like boxing, weight-lifting, and wrestling. Having a girlfriend was the only thing that wasn't on his mind; it's not like if he _ever _wanted one. Sometimes, he wished he did.

By the time he started going to Obama High, an event occured that completely changed his life forever-the day he met a girl who would one day become a part of his life in the years to come. It all started in English class, where Bert Jr. was that morning. He was studying on an essay about William Shakespeare's works-the task for the students was to pick one play he wrote and write about it. Just then, he heard someone whisper, "Psst! Can I borrow your pencil?"

He looked up to see a female classmate, sitting in a desk that was in front of him. What surprised him is that her skin was yellow, with spiky blonde hair on her head. She wore a blue jacket over her black T-shirt, and when he gazed down below her he noticed she was wearing a pair of red jeans and black boots. Around her neck was what he thought was a red pacifier; perhaps it's a connection to the past she refuses to let go of.

"Come on, aren't you going to give me your pencil or are you just gonna keep looking at me all day?"

"What do you need to borrow my pencil for?" asked Bert Jr.

The girl replied, "The tip of mine has broken off. But don't worry-I'll give it right back to you when I'm done."

Bert Jr. nodded and handed his pencil over to the girl. Soon, the exams were over and the classroom's teacher, Mr. Marcus, came up to pick up his students' finished essays. He murmurred, "Now, let's see...Jameson, good...Hampton, very good...Greye, nice; not too sloppy, but still needs a bit of improvement on the 'Hamlet' section. Duck...Duck...Duck..."

"Goose!" one of the male classmates joked from the back and everyone laughed.

Mr. Marcus replied sarcastically, "Very funny, Merrywhether. Oy, I hate having to refer to Huey, Dewey, and Louie by their last names...moving on. O'Bannon...Lacey...Peters..."

Watching the teacher inspect every student's papers, Bert Jr. looked down at his desk and suddenly realized that his own papers weren't even finished; he was halfway done with the part where he was describing the play "Romeo & Juliet" and the impact it has caused on today's society! He looked back up at the girl, who was still using his pencil. Finally, after checking her work for a few moments, she gave it back to him. However, it was too late for him to actually finish it, as Mr. Marcus came up to the last two desks. "...and last but not least, Raccoon and Simpson. My, Maggie, that was pretty impressive how you explained the elements behind 'Othello'. As for you, Raccoon...hmm...can you tell me exactly why you left the rest of the page on 'Romeo & Juliet'...blank?"

"Heh-heh, it's a funny story, Mr. Marcus," muttered Bert Jr. nervously. "You see, somebody wanted to borrow a pencil from me, and...and..."

"Don't lie to me about it, young man! You think it's funny, trying to fool me? I know what you're getting at...you completed the essay with invisible ink! Is _that _your idea of a practical joke?"

"B-But I'm not a prankster!"

"Mr. Raccoon!"

"I'm NOT!"

"Wait!" shouted the girl, standing up with a start. "I'll handle this...Mr. Marcus, I'll take the blame for his unfinished essay. And it's true-I asked him if I can borrow his pencil, because the tip of my own pencil broke off. It turned out I had accidentally left my sharperner at home...and I could've used the mechanical one in the classroom, if there _was _one...in other words, I'm sorry."

"Then you could have asked for my pencil sharperner, too!" Bert Jr. cried out indignantly.

Mr. Marcus stared at them for a few moments, before sighing. He said, "Oh, dear...I don't know what to do with you two any more. Raccoon, go to the principal's office now! And Miss Simpson, I accept your apology. Although you deserve such credit for a work well done, you may not get praise for taking advantage of his progress. Just make sure nothing like this ever happens again, do you hear?"

The girl nodded humbly and muttered, "Yes, sir."

At lunchtime, Bert Jr. left the principal's office to look for the girl; he found her sitting in the cafeteria, eating her lunch. He murmurred bitterly, "What a way to spoil my chances of getting a good grade. My dad's gonna kill me if he ever finds out about this!"

"Sorry," replied the girl. "I did not even know. But hopefully, we'd be able to straighten things out once and for all."

Bert Jr. glanced over at the small bracelet on her left arm, with a charm hanging on it. "Nice bracelet. Where'd you get it?"

"Oh, this? It's a souvenir from my cousin Ling-Ling. She visited China last year, and brought this back for me."

He reached into his pocket and brought out a keychain with the Def Leppard symbol on it. He replied, "This is _my _souvenir, from a concert I attended a couple of months ago."

The girl stared at it in shock. "YOU'RE A DEF LEPPARD FAN?! I love Def Leppard, too! I prefer the Rolling Stones better, but every kind of rock band is good. By the way, I'm Maggie Simpson. What's yours? Wait a second, don't tell me you're..."

"I'm Bert Raccoon Jr."

"...the son of the president? Wow...I never knew you'd be here. I've heard a lot of good things about you-every girl I know in this school thought you were cute."

"So did the girls back in junior high. But what do _you _think of me?"

"What do _I _think of you? Hmm, good question. If I can put it as simple as I could, it would be...what's that word? Humongous. I've never seen a guy with that kind of build before."

Bert Jr. chuckled. He explained, "I get that a lot all the time; maybe it's because I've been lifting weights. I'm just like my mom sometimes-I put so much effort in keeping myself active."

"Like exercise?"

"Right. And plus my interests are boxing and wrestling. And swimming..."

"Of course, that would mean P.E. is your favorite kind of period."

"I guess you might say that."

They continued to chat for the rest of the lunch period. By the end of the day, Bert Jr. was convinced that he had actually made a new friend. However, the way he looked at her suggested something else. Could it be that his new friend could one day become...his girlfriend? He wouldn't know for sure. But, one way or another, he was about to find out...


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Dad," he said one night, during dinner. "Can I ask you a question?"

Bert looked up at him. He replied, "Oh, sure. You can ask me anything you want. What is it that you wanted to know?"

Bert Jr. wasn't sure what to ask him; the events that occured earlier in the day had been on his mind for a while. Should he tell his parents about Maggie? Or should he never mention her at all?

"...do you believe in love at first sight?"

"Love at first sight? Of course, I do. And everybody does, too. Why?"

"Well...it's because there's this one girl I met in school today...her name's Maggie..."

"As in...Maggie Simpson? Lisa's little sister? Yes, we know her. We've never actually met her in person, but Marge and Homer told us about her when we were attending Ace and Lisa's wedding last year. You and Rocky were with us at the time."

"I heard about her as well, but actually, this is the first time I've ever seen her. The reason why I'm asking you that question is that I needed some advice; I want to know how I can tell if I'm crushing on her or not."

Bert laughed. He said, "If you want to know if you're in love, go look in the mirror. Your face surely shows it."

Bert Jr. blushed at the realization. His dad was right-he _is _falling for Maggie! Bert continued, "Trust me, it's happened to me before. I acted like that many years ago when I first met your mom at the train station back in the Evergreen Forest. That's when I really started believing in love at first sight..."

FLASHBACK

_On a sunny spring day in the Evergreen Forest, Bert and his friends were waiting for Bentley to arrive. Once the young raccoon got off the train, Bert greeted him. He said, "Hiya, Bentley!"_

_"Hey, Bert!" replied Bentley, running off to him._

_Bert chuckled and said, "Oh, boy, are we gonna have a great time this weekend! Ahem...heh-heh, enough of this mushy stuff. Let's get going."_

_"Hang on a minute, Bert, we're forgetting somebody."_

_Next thing he knew, his bent ears caught a female voice saying, "Hi."_

_Bert looked up...and there she was. A tall and beautiful female raccoon with her fur-hair done up in a ponytail, wearing a pink t-shirt, blue overalls with straps, and pink sneakers. She stood in the doorway of the train with a smile. She said, "I'm Lisa...Bentley's sister...so you're Bert."_

_He stammered. Struck by her natural beauty, he couldn't think of anything else to say. He watched as she left with Ralph and Melissa, still amazed. And when Bentley tried to snap him out of it, the only thing that came out of his mouth was, "Lisa...what a nice name."_

END OF FLASHBACK

"I couldn't stop thinking about her all the time. She was always on my mind, even in my daydreams. When I attempted to take her out on what I hoped would be our first official date, she insisted she liked me better as a friend. So we were friends...for 26 years, at least. After a long time, I decided it was time for me to take the next step, perhaps the biggest step of all-to propose to her. I thought I was going to score big this time..."

FLASHBACK

_Bert said to Lisa, "So...what do you think of my new trick?"_

_"Oh, um, it's wonderful, Bert," replied Lisa. "Especially with your way of making things...disappear."_

_"Thank you."_

_They stood there for a moment. Then, Bert said, "Lisa...I've been thinking..."_

_"Yes?"_

_"You know...after all those 26 years that we've been together, things have been looking up for us. But then, something kept telling me that I'm missing only one thing. And that's...been bothering me for quite some time."_

_"So, what are you trying to tell me, Bert?"_

_Bert sighed, before saying, "I know you're not going to believe me, but here's what I've been trying to ask you for a very long time..." He got down on one knee, took her paw, and gazed into her blue eyes. He said, "Lisa Elizabeth Raccoon, will you..."_

END OF FLASHBACK

"...but the proposal had to be interrupted when Alex II busted in to warn us that Dr. Hamsterviel was going to go back in time and steal the presidency. Our main focus, for a while, was to complete the mission and defeat the villain. When I came out of unconsciousness after getting shot down by an evil version of myself, I realized the only way to get the opportunity to propose is if I rescued her."

FLASHBACK

_Meanwhile, Evil Bert and Evil Lisa was hog-tying Lisa, and had pre-sharpened their axes ready to chop her to pieces. Evil Lisa chuckled and said, "Let's chop off her parts and feed them to the alligators!"_

_"Oh, boy!" said Evil Bert, rubbing his paws excitedly. "I can't wait to see the looks on her mom and dad's faces when they see her in this condition!"_

_They were about to chop her when they heard somebody shouting, "By the power of Greyskull, I...have...THE POWER!"_

_It was Bert, heading towards them. He threw the sword at Evil Lisa, trapping her against a wall._

_"It's that peanut butter-eating freak again!" snarled Evil Bert. He took out his gun and began shooting him, but Bert dodged all the bullets and returned fire. One bullet struck the gun right out of Evil Bert's paw, and another shot through his right paw, stunning him. He growled as Bert handcuffed him and said, "And that was for messing with my girl."_

_After arresting Evil Lisa, he went over to Lisa and freed her from the ropes. Lisa said, "Bert, you're alive!"_

_"Alive and kicking," replied Bert smugly. "Kicking butt, that is."_

_"I can't believe you would come back to life and rescue me from our evil selves. I don't know how I should put this, but...I think you're a very brave man."_

_"Aw, shucks. It wasn't much..." Then, Bert remembered the proposal. He said, "Now, I remember! Lisa, we've been in love for a very long time now, and I think it's time we got down to business. What I was really trying to say this morning was that...well...I was wondering if you would-"_

_"Marry me?" Lisa finished the sentence._

_Bert was completely taken aback. He stammered, "But-but-but...how did you know about what I was going to say?"_

_"Common sense," answered Lisa with a smile. "I had a feeling you would ask me that question someday, Bert."_

_It took Bert a long time to get it all into his head. Finally, he replied, "All right. I understand now. Of course, we'll get married, Lisa. This is going to be soooo great!"_

_"But we don't have much time. We have to save the president first, then we'll tie the knot."_

_"I'll go save the president, Lisa. You watch over the suspects."_

_"But Bert-"_

_"Trust me. I've been through tough times like this." With that, he ran off, leaving Lisa to stand guard over Evil Lisa and Evil Bert._

END OF FLASHBACK

"And so, we were happily married shortly after the mission was over. A year later, you came along, and I don't think I've ever been this happy since I heard your first cry. I'm not sure if you're gonna be surprised by this, but...did you know that when you were born I saved you from being choked to death by your umbilical cord?"

"I don't think he wants to know that, Bert," said Lisa uneasily.

"But he _has _to know!" insisted Bert. "I want to show him just how lucky he was to be alive today. Come with me, kid-I have something you should see."

Bert led Bert Jr. down the corridors of the White House, all the way to the presidential library. When they got to a large safe, Bert opened it up and took out a small metal box. He continued, "I know I should have gotten rid of it a long time ago...but in this box is the stump of what could have killed you if it weren't for my interference." He proceeded to open it, showing his son a small, dried, shriveled up piece of what used to be part of the umbilical cord. "As soon as I cut the cord, I made a vow that when the stump falls out, I would keep it in the box to remind you just how close you were to meeting the Grim Reaper so early in your life."

"That's pretty amazing, Dad," replied Bert Jr., reaching out to gently touch the stump. "But what does this have to do with what I experienced today?"

"About Maggie? Oh, I'm sorry. Must have lost track. Okay, here's what I know. Now that you've heard the story of our courtship and marriage, the kind of advice I'd like to give you...is to go for it! If you're in love with Maggie, why not try asking her out?"

"Um, sure. And what if she decides we should be friends first?"

"You probably have to give her space, then. She'll only let you know when she's truly ready for a relationship."

Soon, it was nearly time for the prom. Regarding his father's advice, Bert Jr. went to see Maggie; he had planned for what he was going to say to her when he asked her out. But then he became speechless when he got the biggest shock of his life...

"Long time no see...shrimp."

It was Bruno McClellan again, his childhood bully, now the bully of the entire high school. Bert Jr. demanded, "Bruno! What are you doing here?"

"Funny," replied Bruno with a chuckle. "I was about to ask _you _the same question. I didn't expect to see you around here, after all these years. Heh, I remember punching you in the nose and sending you into the mud puddle at Aunt Colleen's backyard...good times indeed."

"And I bet you still haven't apologized for picking on my brother."

"So what? He deserved it for being such a baby."

"He's not a baby any more. He's almost 14 years old now."

"Oh, really? Guess you'll have to prove it the next time I want to visit the 'Off-White' House."

"We'll see about that. In the meantime, I gotta find Maggie."

"You're too late, Raccoon. Take a look at who's going to be my date for the prom."

And Bert Jr. became even more shocked when he saw Maggie standing by Bruno. He muttered, "Maggie? But...it's impossible...I was about to..."

"I'm sorry, Bert Jr.," she answered sadly. "I knew you were going to ask me out. But he beat you to it, so..."

Bruno added, "So find another girlfriend who's as wimpy and dorky as you are! Now scram!"

With that, he sent Bert Jr. slamming against the lockers and left with Maggie. Putting his paw to his cheek, he never felt this sad before in his life. He had his first girlfriend...and now he lost her to the bulldog who made his life miserable as a kit. What was he going to do?

"Um, excuse me...but are you looking for a prom date?"

He looked up at hearing a soft nasal-sounding female voice; what he saw next was the ugliest girl he had ever seen...a nerdy female goat with glasses, braces, and a schoolgirl outfit with a plaid skirt, holding a couple of books in her arms. He became totally disgusted at the sight.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I frighten ya?" said the goat. "Okay, I understand, 'cause everybody gets scared of me sometimes. Even I'm scared of myself, too, especially when I look in the mirror and see that I have pimples all over my face, and I have to pop them 'til they disappear. And if they don't disappear, I get a lotion to put on my face so it can make them disappear. Anyway, I think everybody is scared of me because I look real ugly and whatnot, but I wanted to be like the other girls in the school 'cause they're so pretty and nice and they don't have pimples..."

"Who are you?" he asked.

"Who am I? My name's Nancy. Nancy Hornsby. Pleased to meet you. Do you wanna know why I'm called Nancy? 'Cause either my parents named me after my mom's great-great-aunt or somebody like that, or my namesake came from a famous female polititian. What was her name again? Nancy Reagan? Ah, never mind about that. And you must be..."

"Bert Raccoon Jr., so get out of my face like that. You're starting to creep me out."

"Sorry. I guess I didn't brush my teeth right. Or did I? Maybe it was after I had dinner last night. Hey, do you wanna know what we had for dinner that night? Hay soup, grass cassarole, and roasted carrots. Tonight, we're gonna have...oh, what's the matter? Why the long face?"

Bert Jr. sighed. "I lost my girlfriend."

"Gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that," said Nancy, putting her hoof on his shoulder. "Don't worry, though, there'll be other girls."

"But the prom is tomorrow night, and I don't have a date for that event. So far, Maggie's going out with Bruno, and I...have nobody. If I don't find a date before the dance starts, I'll be miserable for the rest of my life."

"...if you're looking for a prom date, look no further than _moi_."

"You? Me? Going out together?! As if!"

"But it's a once-in-a-lifetime chance for me to be popular! As a matter of fact, we'll _both _be popular! I'm sick and tired of being rejected by handsome boys all the time; the only boys I've been with were the ones in my science debate team _and _the ones at the Star Wars convention. You're the only boy around here who's so cute...so buff...and so sweet...seriously, you _should _accept my offer to be your prom date. Just think, one day in the future people will look back and say, 'Do you remember Bert Jr. and Nancy at the high school prom? They must have been the cutest couple in the school's history! They're definitely meant to be together.' So, whaddaya say?"

Bert Jr. stared at Nancy's outstretched hoof. If he rejected her offer and went off to fight Bruno over Maggie, he'd be happy to be spared from embarassment, but that also meant it would make Nancy feel upset. So he had no other choice but to take her hoof and shake it. He murmurred, "Fine...I'll...go with you."

"Yahoo!" Nancy cheered, as she ran down the hall. "This has got to be the happiest day of my life! I finally have a boyfriend! A real B-O-Y-F-R-I-E-N-D! Yippeeeeeeee! Oh, and don't forget to pick me up at 7 tomorrow night. I'll be waiting for you!"

He waved goodbye, before turning his back and gagging. He thought, "_What a nerd_..."


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

The following night, the prom began at the school's auditorium. Every student dressed in their best came to laugh, eat food, drink punch, and dance the night away. It seemed everybody was happy...except for Maggie. Ever since she accepted Bruno's invitation to go to the prom with him, she felt guilty about leaving Bert Jr. behind. Like him, she had started to develop feelings for the raccoon, despite her constant suggestion that they should be friends. Maggie sat at a table alone, hoping and wishing that he would eventually show up; somehow, for some reason, he never seemed to come back any more.

"What's the problem, babe?" said Bruno, walking up to her with a cup of fruit punch in his paw. "Why are you so down in the dumps on a funky night like this?"

Maggie replied, "It's about Bert Jr. I'm worried about him not coming to the prom; maybe he chose not to come because I had left him for you. I just wish I hadn't done that..."

"Come on, forget about that loser and go boogie with a winner!"

"No, Bruno. I want to stay here and see if he does decide to show up."

"But, babe-"

"I said NO! Besides, I really don't feel like dancing, anyway..."

Meanwhile, Bert Jr. was already ready to go to the prom and he rode in the presidential limo with his parents to go pick up his "date". Bert said, "We're sorry that you failed at trying to woo Maggie. I thought you'd be a big success at nabbing her, but, eh...at least you did your best. So, little buddy-wait, should I still call you 'little buddy'? Because you're...not so little any more. Perhaps I should call you 'big buddy' instead."

"Whatever, Dad," scoffed Bert Jr.

"All right. So can you tell me about the date you're going to take out tonight?"

"Her name is Nancy. Nancy Hornsby. I met her at school yesterday."

"What is she like?"

"Ugh, I don't know. But with that look of hers, she makes Medusa look like Helen of Troy."

"And you still accepted her for who she is inside?"

Bert Jr. groaned. He slammed his fist on the side of the door and shouted, "NO! I'm only doing that just to keep her from blabbing about I'm being such a bad boyfriend. I don't have _any _feelings for that girl whatsoever; I _only _wanted Maggie!"

"Bert Alexander Raccoon Jr.," scolded Lisa. "I can't believe you'd do something like that! Even though you've lost Maggie, you still have one girl out here who loves you as much as she does. And just because you claim you love her in return doesn't mean you would go ahead and stand her up. If you do, not only it'll make her mad, but it will also make her father mad!"

"But what am I supposed to do, Mom? I don't want to be a laughingstock of the whole school because I'm dating her!"

They arrived at the Hornsby residence, a giant barn situated way out in the countryside. A middle-aged billy goat, who Bert Jr. assumed to be Nancy's father, was out in the front yard tending a vegetable garden. When he spotted them, he stopped his work and said, "Ah, the Raccoons are here! Howdy! Come on in and make yourself at home, folks!"

Bert, Lisa, and Bert Jr. entered the barnhouse. The interior of it looked exactly like what you'd find in an ordinary barn-a living room with the floor covered with nothing but straw, and a bedroom on the loft with the floor covered with the same material, with access to it via a sturdy wooden ladder. Bert said, "Nice place you got here. So old-fashioned. But where's the kitchen and the bathroom?"

"They're outside in the backyard," answered Mr. Hornsby, pointing his thumb out towards the back window. "The gazebo is where we cook and eat our meals. And do you see that there small shack way out there on a hill? That's our outhouse. It's where we do our business-if you want to do your business as well, then that's the place for you." To Bert Jr., he continued, "And I'm guessin' you must be that young feller my gal's been crazy about."

"Yes, I am, sir," replied Bert Jr.

"Aw, shucks, just call me Henry. I'm her pa...and, if things go well with the two of you, you might as well call me your future pa-in-law."

"HEY! I DON'T WANT TO GO _THAT _FAR! I mean...I don't want you to...go that far with saying that out loud. It's best we'd rather save it for until after we graduate college."

"Sorry 'bout that, son. Now why not we settle down while we get acquainted with each other, shall we?"

They all sat down on the bed of grass. Bert, Lisa, and Bert Jr. felt rather uncomfortable sitting on the floor, but Mr. Hornsby didn't seem to mind. Just then, they heard Nancy shouting from upstairs, "Daddy! Is he here? Is he here yet?"

"He sure is, darlin'," answered Mr. Hornsby. "Come on down and see for yourself."

They watched as Nancy climbed down the ladder to the living room. She was wearing a glittering light-blue gown, with a golden locket necklace around her neck. Bert Jr. was greatly impressed with her good sense of fashion, but he just shook his head. No matter how beautiful she looked in her dress, she still doesn't turn him on.

"I knew you would be here!" she exclaimed happily, embracing him in a tight bear-hug. "Oh, I'm so excited I just might EXPLODE! Of course, I wouldn't, 'cause my daddy would be angry if he had to pick all my pieces up..."

"Enough talk. We gotta get this over with before we leave."

They sat down together. As the grown-ups chatted about their day, Bert Jr. glanced over at Nancy. She was looking at him, giving him a big braces-infested grin that made him wince. But when he looked at her body, something strange happened. He felt a different sensation coursing through his body, making him shudder; every time he looked at her dress, it made him shudder even more. He felt his heart pumping faster and he even started to sweat. Was he being turned on, focusing on the inner beauty of her body and disregarding the lack of beauty of her facial features? He tried as hard as he could to keep him from giving in to the pressure. _"I will not give in...I will not give in...I will NOT give in...I...will..."_

"M-Mr. Hornsby," he blurted out. "Can I go to the bathroom? Real quick?"

"Go right ahead, son."

Bert Jr. ran out into the backyard and towards the outhouse, where he relieved himself. It turned out he really had to use the bathroom after all; it wasn't what he thought it was.

_"Whew, that was close," _he thought with a sigh. _"I gotta stop looking at Nancy's dress for a while."_

Nancy came up and knocked on the door. She asked, "Bert Jr., are you all right?"

"I'm fine," he replied, walking out of the outhouse. "I think I'm done here."

"Whoa, you _really _were desperate to use the outhouse. You know, you kinda remind me of myself. Did I ever tell you about the time I drank too much lemonade? I went to the outhouse REAL fast like you did, and I was in there for almost two hours! That was the longest I've ever spent doing my business."

"And this was my shortest...I think. Look, we need to talk."

They lay together on the hill, gazing up at the stars in the sky. Nancy said, "Wow...I've never seen so many stars in my whole life. They're all so...pretty..."

"Yeah," agreed Bert Jr. "When I was a kit, I used to look up at the nighttime sky, and wonder if there's a star that can show me what my destiny would be. My dad always told me that I was destined to be a hero."

"Like him? I heard a story about how he stopped Dr. Hamsterviel from stealing the presidency."

"That's right. Nancy, I've been thinking...you know I still miss her. I just wonder how she is doing with Bruno at the prom at this moment."

"That Bruno McClellan? Pshaw! I have a gut feeling that she still likes you no matter what. I think she'd be more happier if you were with her rather than with me."

"...what? But I thought-"

"I know you're only going out with me just to keep me happy. I thought that we'd be together for all eternity...maybe get married...and have little kids. Little raccoon-goat hybrid kids. But...if that's what you want, you should get back out there and fight to get her back. Don't listen to what that nasty bulldog says-Maggie _was _meant to be yours, and she _will _be, forever and ever and ever!"

"Thanks. I needed that kind of encouragement. But aren't you upset that you found out I'm breaking up with you?"

"Nah, I can manage very fine without you. We can still go to the prom together, though. If you leave me to be with Maggie, please don't forget...I'll always have a place for you in my heart."

Bert Jr. smiled at her. Although he was surprised she took the breaking-up part well, he was glad he made yet another friend. Later, they both went back to Washington DC to attend the prom; Maggie saw them at once and ran over to them. She shouted angrily, "Bert Jr.! Where have you been? I've been waiting three whole hours for you to get here, and I just had to get stuck with that canine jerk!"

He looked behind her and saw Bruno, who was dancing with a pair of female poodle twins. He asked, "What did he do?"

"He hurt me. When he demanded I dance with him, I refused. And the next thing I know, there's a blackeye on my face and fruit punch dumped all over my dress! I was mortified!"

She then sat in the chair and sobbed. This made Bert Jr. ball up his fists tightly. "Oh. So he _is _being a jerk. I'll show him..."

He marched towards Bruno and tapped him on the shoulder. The bulldog turned around and scowled at him, saying, "You again? I thought I told you to scr-"

Before he could say anything else, Bert Jr. punched him real hard, sending him reeling backwards into a table and breaking everything on it. The guests gasped in horror at that sight. Bruno growled, "What did you do _that _for, shrimp?"

"For making Maggie cry, that's what!" retorted Bert Jr.

"Trying to take me down, eh? You asked for it!"

And thus the floor of the auditorium turned into a boxing ring. They all watched as the two continued to wrestle each other, trading punches and breaking chairs on each other's heads. They then took the fight outside, where Bert Jr. pushed him into a mud puddle. Everybody laughed as Bruno looked over himself and gasped upon realizing that his tuxedo was all messy and muddy.

"Now _that's _what I call payback!" said Bert Jr., flashing a confident smile.

Bruno cried out, "MY CLOTHES! NOOOOOOOO! So much mud...and germs! Aw, man, I'm afraid of germs! Get them off meeeeeee!"

"Aw, I didn't know you were mysophobic. Does that mean you're not a bully any more? Tell you what-if you apologize for all the mess you caused since the day you messed with my little brother _and _Maggie, then I'll help you get the dirt off. Do we have a deal?"

"But..."

"I said DO WE HAVE A DEAL?"

Bruno flinched, before he sighed. "Okay...I'm sorry...I'm really sorry."

"Apology accepted. Now do you promise to leave Maggie alone?"

"Yeah."

Maggie ran over and hugged Bert Jr., saying, "Oh, Bert Jr. You didn't really need to do that...but I'm glad you actually decided to stand up for me. Thank you very much."

Bert Jr. smiled down at her. He replied, "Don't mention it."

Soon, everybody went back to the auditorium to continue with the prom. A love song began to play, and every couple in the room started to dance together. Bert Jr. and Maggie were also among the ones dancing together, with the exception of Bruno, who stood by the doorway with Nancy. Bert Jr. was glad to finally have his girl back; now that they had reunited, he was confident that nothing would ever tear them apart.

But he was wrong. After graduation at the school, Bert Jr. went down to see Maggie, who was putting suitcases in the trunk of a space taxi. He said, "Maggie! Are you moving?"

"Yes," she replied. "Bert Jr., I'm sorry to say this, but I don't think I'm ever going to be with you any more."

"How come?" asked Bert Jr., surprised.

"As much as I wish I could go to Boston with you, my parents want me to attend a college on the outskirts of Springfield. So...we might have to break up for now."

"But, Maggie, when do you think we'll ever see each other again? I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I'll never know what to do if you're not here by my side..."

Maggie gave him a reassuring smile. "Hey, don't worry, there'll be other women in your lifetime. But whatever you decide to do with your life, just remember...I'll always have a place for you in my heart."

Bert Jr. smiled warmly. "And I'll always have a place for you in mine."

They embraced each other and kissed, before Marge came to break them up and reminded Maggie that she must go right now. Maggie nodded, and walked down the path towards the space taxi. Bert Jr. watched as she got inside and the taxi sped off into the horizon; he waved, trying hard not to cry. He knew that no matter where she goes, she would always be his first girlfriend...and not his last.


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Bert Jr. celebrated his 18th birthday on June 10, 2033. But he never did it with anyone else-instead, he did it alone. Sitting in his bedroom and holding a cupcake with a single birthday candle on it, he sighed. He muttered to himself, "Happy birthday, Bert Jr. Yes, your first birthday without Maggie...and she could have celebrated with you if she were still here..."

Just then, the door burst open and Bert came in with empty suitcases. He threw them at his son's feet, breathing heavily with exhaustion. He said, "Well, Bert Jr., here you go...you'd better go ahead and pack your things right now, 'cause in September I'm gonna be sending you off to college."

"I don't know, Dad," replied Bert Jr. nonchalantly. "It's not like I'm gonna be away from you, Mom, and Rocky all the time."

"Aw, c'mon! There's lots of good things to see, do, and enjoy when you're in Charles Roberts University. A higher education...comfy and cozy dorm rooms...fraternities...spring break parties...you name it, they've got it!"

"What about Rocky?"

"He's still in high school. But wait three more years, and he'll soon be next in line to go to college after you-once both you and your brother leave the nest, your mom and I will finally have the whole White House to ourselves. Just the two of us together...all alone."

The word "alone" hurt Bert Jr. like a slap in the face. He murmurred, "Dad...don't _ever _mention that word again..."

"What word? 'Alone'?"

"DAD!"

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. What's wrong? You seem pretty upset about something..."

"Of course, I'm upset-how dumb do _you _think I am? Maggie doesn't want to stay with me any more...and she's in another college."

Bert couldn't help but feel sorry for his son. It hurt him to see him go through losing his girlfriend the second time; it hurt him even more when Bert Jr. began to descend slowly into the state of depression. He walked over and patted him on the back, saying, "I know how you feel. I forgot to mention there are also girls at the university. If you dated one of them, it could help you forget about the pain of being alo-I mean, the pain of being by yourself."

"Yes...yes, I might. But it'll never be the same..."

"Of course not. Every dating experience differs from one person to another. But your dating experience will be just as unique as you are. Remember when you asked me if I believed in love at first sight? It's happened to you before; no doubt it'll happen to you again, one way or the other. Just you wait and see...happy birthday, anyway."

"Thanks, Dad...thanks."

Three months passed, and Bert Jr. was headed straight for Boston, Massachusetts. He arrived at the campus of Charles Roberts University; formerly it was called Radcliffe, but it was renamed in honor of the former president of the United States. He wandered around, taking in the sights and sounds of the college-there were students everywhere, some of them the same age he was and others a little bit older in their 20s. However, he wasn't paying attention, as he accidentally bumped into one of the students; it was a 20-year-old girl with long wavy bright golden hair and jade-green eyes. Bert Jr. muttered, "Sorry about that."

"It's okay," replied the girl, picking up her dropped books. "No harm done. Are you new here?"

"Yes. My dad sent me here."

"I've been here for only two years. Hi, I'm Natalie McLeod. Welcome to Charles Roberts University."

Later, she took him towards the boys' dormitory. Every once in a while, Bert Jr. looked at her; her skin was yellow like Maggie's, and he made the assumption that she must be from Springfield. Coming across one of the doors, Natalie continued, "...and here is where you're going to be staying at for the next four years or so. The girls' dormitory is right next door-I stay over there with my friends."

"Is there anyone living here?" asked Bert Jr.

"Of course! Lots of boys like you live here. But behind _this _door are a bunch of guys of the Alpha Alpha Beta Fraternity Group, a.k.a 'The Hyena Boys'. You may or may not want to get along with them well, but everybody says they're famous for what they do every night."

"What?"

"You'll find out soon enough. I gotta get going now-if you need anything at all, you know where to find me."

After Natalie left, Bert Jr. opened the door to enter the dorm room. Inside the room were a group of three identical male hyenas. Bert Jr. said, "Um...hello?"

One of the hyenas spotted Bert Jr. and came up to greet him. He said, "Heyyyyy! Welcome, welcome! We've been expecting you, man! D.J. Hyena's the name, and pranking is my game!"

"Pleased to meet you," replied Bert Jr. "I'm Bert Raccoon Jr."

"What? The president's oldest kid? Guys, GUYS! Look who's here!"

The other two hyenas stopped what they were doing and came over to see him. D.J. continued, "This is Bert Raccoon Jr., the son of the president of the United States of Canerica, so it looks like we got ourselves a big celebrity in our midst. And, I'd like you to meet...my crew."

The second hyena stepped forward and introduced himself. He said, "Hi...I'm A.J. Hyena, yo!"

The third hyena said, "And I'm P.J. Hyena, yo!"

Bert Jr. waved to them. D.J. said, "And together, we are are the Hyena Boys. Triplets for the win!"

"What exactly do you do around here?" asked Bert Jr.

"Just about whatever we want. Practical jokes, paintball battles all over campus, all-night parties...and best of all, there's nobody to stop us. Not even the headmaster."

"But there can be limits..."

"Who says there are limits? In our fraternity, there are _no _limits whatsoever. And now that you're gonna be part of our group, you're free to do anything you wish."

Bert Jr. shook his head. He said, "Yes...but no. Look, I'm not the kind of guy who would want to do what you guys do. I was brought up in a household with rules. Plus, I'm here to study, not to slack off like an idiot."

He went over to the corner and began setting up his living/sleeping quarters. D.J. insisted, "Come on, man. It won't be so bad once you hang around with us. Just because we're no longer kids doesn't mean we get to be treated like kids. Besides, I...hold on, is that a Def Leppard keychain?"

"Oh, this?" replied Bert Jr., looking at his keychain. "I got it from a concert I attended last year. And that was after I learned how to drive."

"You like the rock group?"

"Not just them, but also Van Halen and Whitesnake."

"Well, we all have our own favorites."

He gestured to their side of the room, its walls covered with posters of famous old-school hip-hop stars. A.J. said, "Classic hip-hop is our interest, man. That's what gets us going. That's what makes us _us_."

"Really?" replied Bert Jr.

D.J. nodded. "Yeah, really. Ooh, this is gonna be so freakin' awesome! With you around, dude, I'm sure we're gonna get along just fiiiinnnne! But...seriously, your duds?"

Bert Jr. looked over himself. He was wearing nothing but a white T-shirt, olive-green cargo jeans, and black boots. He said, "What? This is what I was wearing when I left home today."

"Let me put this down real simple for you, bro. We like your jeans and your boots and all, but your shirt royally sucks. If you wanna be part of the gang, you gotta look cool..."

D.J. opened the closet and dug into it, before getting out a red sweater. It looked identical to Bert's famous sweater, with its yellow trim on the sleeves and collar, but the trim on the bottom and the big yellow capital "B" was missing. He continued, "We got this when we were vacationing way up in the Great White North."

"Dad's sweater!" gasped Bert Jr. "Except that it doesn't have the big 'B' on the front like it usually does."

"It was in a Goodwills store when we found it, and I thought it might fit you perfectly, being the son of the president. Go ahead, dude, try it on."

Bert Jr. hesitated, before finally putting on the sweater. He then stepped towards a mirror and looked at himself. Turning to the hyenas, he asked, "So...how do I look now?"

"Sa-weet!" said P.J., giving him a thumbs-up. "Lookin' like a true professional!"

Bert Jr. smiled. A new set of friends, a new look, and a new life. This was definitely going to be an interesting year. That night, while the Hyena Boys were asleep, he stayed up writing a letter to Maggie.

_Dear Maggie,_

_It's been three months since I've last seen you. Right now I'm in a dorm room at Charles Roberts University, writing you this letter; even though I have a pencil in my paw and a piece of paper on my book, I feel as if you're sitting next to me, watching me as I pen down my unrelenting feelings for you._

_I hope you're having a good time at your college out there. That makes me wonder...who are you sharing your dorm room with? The roommates I have with me are the Hyena Boys-heh, I'll tell you all about them in my next letter. But for now, I want to let you know that your presence in my heart is the only thing that helped me feel good about myself and that it makes me long for you even more._

He cringed as he listened to the loud snoring of D.J.; the hyena was presumably both snoring and giggling in his sleep. Bert Jr. shrugged, before continuing to write.

_By the way, I just saw a girl. I really don't know whether or not I should mention her name to you; it's just that I assumed that she may have come from the same town you were born and raised in. Anyway, she was such a beautiful woman...I couldn't take my eyes off her the moment we met. Her golden hair...her green eyes...her pretty smile...wait, am I boring you with my description of her? Sorry. I'll put it plain and simple this way-she's just like you._

_I don't want to be the one to say this, but I'm afraid I may have to break up with you. That doesn't mean we won't see each other again someday-there's always hope for the future. Somewhere down the road, wherever your destiny takes you, you'll see a raccoon who saved you from a mean bulldog back at the high school prom and won your heart. And wherever _my _destiny takes me, I'll see a girl who stood up for me in Mr. Marcus' class and assumed responsibility for making me fail my test. Either way, we both owe each other one._

_Until we meet again, I will always be, for all time, your furry knight in shining armor._

_Yours truly,  
Bert Raccoon Jr._

After he finished writing the letter, he folded it up and put it inside an envelope to place in the mail chute. He tried to fight back misty tears as he set the envelope down and watched it go up the chute and out of sight, before he went back to his hammock. Digging into his backpack, Bert Jr. took out a photo of him and Maggie at the prom; he sighed, gazing at the photo that held many cherished memories of his ex-girlfriend. He whispered forlornly, "I love you, Maggie...I always will..."


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Three years had passed since Bert Jr.'s departure from the White House. It was Rocky's 18th birthday and, just like Bert had predicted, it was also time for him to leave for college as well. His parents, relatives, and friends were there to make sure everything was all set for his trip to Harvard.

"Well, this is it," said George, as he watched Rocky put his suitcases into the trunk of a space taxi. "The first time my second grandson goes to another one of the most prestigious universities in the country."

"I have to agree with you there, Dad," replied Lisa, wiping a tear from her eye. "It's been years since I've held him in my arms when he was a young kit. Now, look at him."

Rocky Raccoon, now sporting a fashionable green turtleneck sweater with a black jacket and blue jeans, had indeed grown up. Pushing aside the trauma he experienced when Bruno destroyed his favorite toy fifteen years ago, he went on to accomplish many great things. He was first in his class in elementary school, and he was first in middle school. In high school, he participated in music class by playing the saxophone he recieved as a Sweet Sixteenth birthday gift from Bright Eyes. During those years, something between the raccoon and the Pound Puppy suggested that they had become very involved with each other romantically, and she proved just that when she showed up to say her goodbyes.

"Bye, Rocky," said Bright Eyes lovingly. "I hope to see you again soon, when you graduate."

Rocky smiled and kissed her on the nose. He replied, "And I'll see you in my dreams, _mon cherie amour_."

"I never knew you would speak French that good."

"It's all due to both my partial French-Canadian heritage and to the French lessons I've been taking."

"Still, I wish you good luck."

Bert threw the last suitcase into the trunk and closed it, wiping sweat off of his brow. He said, "There you go, Rocky...you're all set. Are you ready to go now?"

"Not yet, Dad," replied Rocky. "I wanna buy a postcard to send to Bert Jr. first; I heard he's still in Charles Roberts U, so I thought I might like to say hello."

"Why send him a postcard when you can actually meet him there in person? Even though you and Bert Jr. are in separate colleges, you can still keep in close contact with each other."

Rocky thought for a while. He said with a smile, "...maybe you're right. I don't need a postcard. I _am _the postcard!"

Both raccoons laughed. Then a human taxi driver peered out of the window and called out, "Oy, kid! Hurry up and get in, my meter's runnin'!"

"Getting to it, sir!" answered Rocky. To Bert, he continued, "Guess I gotta go now. You and Mom better take care of yourselves while I'm gone, all right?"

"Oh, believe me, we will," replied Bert, with a wink. "Have a great time at Harvard!"

Rocky waved, before stepping into the space taxi and requesting his next destination. "Harvard University, Cambridge, Massachusetts. And step on it."

"You got it," said the taxi driver with a nod and began driving.

Bert and Lisa watched as the space taxi left the White House and disappeared around the corner. Bert heaved a happy sigh and said, "Ahhh...alone at last. Our boys are gone, and now we finally have the whole White House to ourselves. Maybe we should celebrate."

"Of course," replied Lisa. She added with a sly smile, "Does the Bella Notte Italian Restaurant come to mind?"

Bert smirked. "You've just taken the words right out of my mouth, m'lady."

Meanwhile, Bert Jr. and Natalie were sitting together outside after class. Bert Jr. concluded, "...and when the man said, 'Make me a glass of chocolate milk,' the genie snapped his fingers and said, 'Voila! You are now a glass of chocolate milk; now go find somebody to drink you!' Get it?"

"Oh, Bert Jr.!" Natalie laughed. "You sure are a great comedian!"

"Most of the people back home said I have inherited my dad's sense of humor."

"And you showed it when telling jokes."

"...so, is there anything more that I'd like to know about you?"

Natalie sighed. She answered, "I was born in Shelbyville..."

"Outside Springfield?"

"Yes. My grandfather is one of the professors at this college; that's how I was able to afford a scholarship. Sadly, my parents died when I was very young, so I had to be raised by him."

"I'm sorry to hear all that. And I thought _I _had a pleasant childhood...sort of..."

"Really? What was your childhood like?"

Hearing the question, Bert Jr. stared at her. Is it really that neccessary to tell her his entire life story, from birth to 20? Finally, he took the time to recollect himself and began telling her about growing up in the White House. He said, "I already know that you know I'm President Raccoon's oldest son. I was born in Washington DC, which is a little farther than Boston...and I was raised there, too. My childhood was pretty much average with some troubling moments, including the time I got beat up by Bruno."

"Who's he?" questioned Natalie.

"The worst bully you'll ever meet in your life. I still remember feeling shocked that he had just hit me in the nose-smack dab in the nose-and pushed me into a mud puddle. That was after I tried to stop him from teasing my younger brother. Then at high school I encountered him again, only this time he had Maggie for a date. Maggie...Maggie..."

He trailed off at mentioning the name. It hurt so bad to keep on thinking about her, but no matter what he did to make it go away, it always came back to haunt him. So there he sat still, watching the bluebirds flutter from tree to tree and the small squirrels scurrying across the green grass. Suddenly, in his reveries, he saw her-Maggie Simpson, her yellow skin still as beautiful as it was since his relationship with her. He smiled as he imagined her walking towards him with a shy smile, hoping in his heart that she would gaze deeply into his raven-black eyes, open her mouth, and say...

"Bert Jr.? Uh, Bert Jr.? Hello?"

Bert Jr. shook his head and responded to Natalie's voice. He said with a nervous chuckle, "Sorry, I must have been dreaming. Where was I?"

"You were at the part where Bruno took Mag-"

"All right, that's enough, let's change the subject. Do you feel like going to the library?"

They went to the library that was situated somewhere in the campus. While Bert Jr. was browsing a dictionary, Natalie came up with a book on Shakespeare. She said, "Bert Jr., look at this! I found a book that has the complete works of William Shakespeare! His plays, his sonnets, and his biography..."

"Maggie always loved Shakespeare," muttered Bert Jr. plaintively.

"She...did?"

"I'm not kidding. There's no other girl on earth like her who would recite all the lines from every play so flawlessly. And plus she was a rock n' roll fan...she once told me she had attended a Rolling Stones concert at one time. Other than that, she's just a...just...an amazing woman. That's why I loved her."

"Then how come you were staring at me when we met the first time?"

Bert Jr. blushed. "I forgot to mention you're an amazing woman, too."

Natalie silently chuckled as she sat down beside him. They read the book together, investigating every play listed in it. Upon finishing reading "Romeo & Juliet", Bert Jr. said, "I can't help but feel real bad for Juliet when Romeo drank the poison. It was as if that was meant to happen."

"But it was," replied Natalie, closing the book. "They were so young and they both came from two feuding families; that didn't stop them from pursuing their romance, so they had to get married in secret."

"Well, our lives might not mirror theirs, seeing that we don't have families who fight each other...but somehow, I feel we're starting to feel like Romeo and Juliet. Close...but yet so far..."

Natalie smiled and took his paw. She began reciting one of the lines from the play: " 'Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow.' "

" 'Sleep well upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast,' " replied Bert Jr. " 'Would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest. Hence will I to my ghostly sire's close cell, his help to crave and my dear hap to tell.' "

They stared at each other for a few moments, before leaning close and sharing a tender kiss. It was official-Bert Jr. and Natalie had become boyfriend and girlfriend.

From that day on, they were inseparable. They did everything together-studying and relaxing. They called each other on the phone, E-mailed each other, and even sent each other flowers with notes, with sweet sayings written on them.

But one night, Bert Jr. did something he would regret for the rest of his life. The football game between the Dragons of Charles Roberts University and the Coyotes of Chuck Jones Tech was getting heated up; Bert Jr., now having become the most popular guy on campus, was a member of the college football team. As he continued bashing the opposing players with his immense strength and unbelievable speed, Natalie was cheering with the other cheerleaders.

_CRU, CRU  
We've got spirit, how about you?  
CRU, CRU  
Give it all up for our football crew!  
GOOOOOOOO, DRAGONS!_

Bert Jr. smiled at Natalie, encouraged to keep on fighting through the rest of the game. When the university's team had won and the game was over, Bert Jr. and Natalie were walking on their way back to their dormitories. Bert Jr., "Nattie..."

"Nattie!" giggled Natalie. "That's so cute! I think I'm starting to like that nickname you've been giving me."

"Sounds good to me. Now, Nattie, I've been thinking about this for a while...do you think that we could have a future together?"

Natalie stopped to stare at him. He continued, "We've been friends for over three years and we've been sweethearts for almost half a year. I never really thought about 'taking the next step', but I feel this would be the perfect opportunity to do so."

"If you're planning on proposing to me, you should've gone out to buy a ring first."

"I did."

"Where do you keep it?"

"In the same place where you've touched me all these years...my heart."

He slowly got down on one knee and, as he did so, took a small blue velvet box out of his coat pocket. He opened it to reveal a platinum diamond engagement ring. Natalie gasped and whispered, "A gold platinum 14-carat diamond ring? How were you able to afford that?"

"By using my allowance," replied Bert Jr. "However, what's more valuable is the love we've had for each other. Natalie Simone McLeod...will you marry me?"

Natalie stared at him, her eyes misty from the tears she started to shed. Finally, she wrapped her arms around him, sobbing happily. "Yes...yes, Bert Jr. I'll be glad to marry you."

Bert Jr. smiled back, as he slipped the ring on her finger. All around them, thunder crashed and it started to rain. He said, "Let's go tell my roommates the good news. They'll be _so _psyched up about it! Maybe they'll throw a bachelor party for me..."

They ran to the boys' dormitory and went up to the Hyena Boys' dorm room. Bert Jr. knocked on the door, shouting, "Hello! D.J.? A.J.? P.J.? It's me, Bert Jr.! I've got something to tell you...guys..."

He noticed a piece of paper taped to the door and he tore it off to read it.

_To Bert Jr.:  
Hey, man, D.J. here. Sorry, but we're not gonna be around today, 'cause we gotta go to the African Savannah for the annual Hyena Family reunion. If you're looking to get your stuff out of the room, you'll have to wait 'til next Saturday when we return. Until then, peace!_

"Darn it!" growled Bert Jr., crumpling the paper into a ball and throwing it on the ground. "They should have lent me the key before they left! Well...I guess I won't have anywhere to sleep for the next week."

"Maybe you would like to spend the night over at my dorm room," Natalie suggested.

"I thought only girls were allowed in your area."

"True, but in this case I'll make an exception."

"And do you share your room with friends, like I do?"

"No. It's a single bedroom."

"All right. I'll accept the offer."

Bert Jr. followed Natalie to her dorm room in the girls' dormitory. As he waited for her to finish getting dressed for bed, he made a mental note strongly warning him not to give in to sexual impulses-that almost happened last time when he and his parents were at the Hornsbys'. He thought, "_And if I'm forced to do it, it's a good thing I have to use protection. Let's see if I have any_..." Then he suddenly remembered that the condoms were in his backpack...and his backpack was _still _in his dorm room! "_I'm SO going to kill them for this_."

The bathroom door opened and there stood Natalie, in her satin white nightgown. Bert Jr. tried hard not to sweat profusely at the sight. She asked, "Is there something wrong, Bert Jr.?"

"N-Nothing," he replied. "Just having trouble...adjusting."

"I'm sure you will."

The two sat on the bed together, listening to the pouring rain. Natalie sighed and muttered, "I love rainy days like this...isn't it soothing?"

Bert Jr. replied, "I guess so. In a way, it's pretty much...romantic." Just then, thunder and lightning crashed loudly, causing both of them to jump. Then Bert Jr.'s eyes fell on a teddy bear sitting on a shelf; he went up to take it and look at it. He asked, "Is this teddy bear yours?"

Natalie nodded. She said, "I had it ever since I was three. It was my most prized possession, and I kept it because of the memories of my childhood. And it was a _very _special teddy bear, too-go ahead and squeeze it, you'll see what I mean."

When he gently squeezed the teddy bear, it began playing "The Teddy Bear's Picnic". Listening to the cheerful melody, Bert Jr. began reflecting back on his own childhood memories...the good ones this time. He commented, "Cute."

"I know, right?" said Natalie with a giggle. When the thunder crashed once more, she huddled up in the corner of the bed. She continued softly, "Sometimes, when thunder and lightning scared me, I squeezed the teddy bear so its tune would comfort me. But I don't know if I have any use for the teddy bear any more...yet at the same time I don't want to leave it behind..."

Bert Jr. went back over to the bed and got on it. Crawling up towards her with a loving smile on his face, he whispered, "Then why not you let _me _be your teddy bear?"

"...really?"

"You bet. I've got something better that will help you sleep through the storm, and it all starts with...this..."

He proceeded to kiss her. Though she was surprised, Natalie kissed back. Then came the cuddling, the kissing, the caressing, the stroking of the fur and skin...it was all slow and gentle. Natalie murmurred, "Ooh...Bert Jr...the other boys I've had were either too rough or too soft...but you...you are just right..."

_Bert Jr., you idiot! Now you've put your foot in it this time. You'd better step back out before..._

His conscience was silenced as he began making love to Natalie. What happened next inside the dorm room in the middle of a thunderstorm was strictly between him and his fiancée.


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The following weekend, Bert Jr. was back in his dorm room when the Hyena Boys returned. He hoped that whatever went on between him and Natalie on that night was to be kept a heavily guarded secret...but one morning the rumors about them started to spread around the campus.

"I don't believe it! Natalie just _had _to lose her virginity to the president's son! She should have waited until she married him!"

"Oh, really? Tell me it isn't true!"

"It _is _true, all right. You should see the bedspread-it was a total mess when I came in to check on her that morning."

Overhearing the girls' conversation in the cafeteria made Bert Jr. feel uneasy. Since when did they know that he mated with Natalie? Somewhere around the university there must be a blabbermouth to put the blame on for all the rumors he kept on hearing. He was about to ponder on what to do about it when the Hyena Boys came in laughing.

"Way to go, dude!" shouted D.J., giving Bert Jr. a slap on the back. "We heard you shagged the professor's granddaughter while we were gone! That was sooooo tight!"

P.J. added, "You didn't know you had it in you, huh?"

Bert Jr. sighed. He replied, "Yeah, it's official. I had actually mated with Natalie...right after I proposed to her."

The three hyenas stared at him in shock. D.J. asked, "Dude...are you serious? You proposed to Nattie?"

"I did, after the football game ended. We haven't decided on the date yet, but still...I feel ashamed about what I've done. I didn't even know what I was doing wrong, and I did not want anybody else to know about it..."

"But you're a raccoon. And that was your first time ever doing it with a human."

"Except that I never got around to asking her if she believed in interspecies romance. Guys, I appreciate your praising my efforts for what I did to her, but I'm telling you this isn't right. This is totally uncalled-for. I'd hate to think about what her granddad would do if he ever found out..."

None of the Hyena Boys' congratulatory notes did anything to comfort Bert Jr. He feared the consequences that could rise up, should the rumors be spread outside the college-he would put everlasting shame on his own family and give his father a bad reputation. So now he was stuck with two choices, to either stick with Natalie or break off the engagement. Although he never wanted to go through another heartbreak again, it just had to be done. Then it occurred to him that Rocky attended a college that is in the same area as Charles Roberts University; perhaps his advice on handling troubled relationships would be enough.

"You mated with a human girl?" asked Rocky, shocked at his older brother's revelation.

Bert Jr. replied with a nod, "It's true, and I'm in real deep trouble if her granddad learns about it. Now, I came to you because I can't decide whether or not to leave Natalie; we're engaged, but...well, like the old song says, breaking up _is _very hard to do."

Rocky shook his head. He said, "Bert Jr., I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or be angry at you. We've always been brought up to be gentlemen and, as often as possible, we were taught the one most important rule of being in a relationship-save it for marriage. You disregarded that rule by giving in to your impulses; you never see me doing that with Bright Eyes."

"And how did you handle _your _relationship, without any problems?"

"With patience, of course. From the very beginning we started out as friends; when she warmed up to me at the time I began high school, we decided to take it to another level. So far, we've been together for almost four years."

"You're thinking about getting married?"

"No. Bright Eyes told me she isn't ready for that type of thing yet, so we prefer to wait until the right time comes along. From what you're telling me right now, you're the first one of us to jump into the bridal bandwagon."

"...and I'm going to jump _off _of it. Let's face it, Rocky, I'm not destined to be with Natalie-the more I think about it, the more it hurts me to the point that I'm about to throw myself off a cliff! Do you think I'm worthy to be loved by anybody? I guess not. I've been through a break-up before, and no way am I going to go through another one!"

He stood up with a start and left the table. Rocky called after him, "Are you sure? Because once you leave a woman you can never come back! Nothing will ever be the same!"

Bert Jr. stopped to look back at him, giving him a harsh glare. "My life _was _never the same..." He was about to continue on his way, but Rocky stopped him.

"Running away from your problems doesn't solve anything; taking the time to calm yourself down and figure things out does. Whenever I have a problem that bothers me so much that it makes me feel stressed out, I just go to a nice and quiet place void of any distractions-that way I get to clear my head and try to think it over. I'd suggest you do the same."

Bert Jr. thought about it for a minute. Then, he muttered, "I'll think about it."

Four weeks passed. Natalie had just come back from the doctor's office with a surprising revelation-she was pregnant. She thought that if she told Bert Jr. about it, it might motivate him to rush the engagement and get married right away. But when she arrived at the dorm room in the boys' dormitory, D.J. was the only one to answer the door. He said, "Nattie, what are you doing here? You lookin' for Bert Jr.?"

"Yes," replied Natalie. "I want to tell him something important. I'm not one to reveal too many secrets, but..."

"Sorry, he's not here. He's already flown the coop, but he did tell me to give you this."

He handed her a letter. It said:

_Dear Natalie,_

_I'm not sure how to put this, but I don't think I want to be with you any longer. The rumors around the campus I kept hearing about us are just...awful. So I'm seeking to break up our engagement. If you need me, I'll be somewhere where you can't find me._

_With much love,  
Bert Raccoon Jr._

Tears spilled onto the paper and wet it, as Natalie read the letter from start to finish. She murmurred, "No, this couldn't be true...it couldn't be...!" She walked into the room and looked around; all of Bert Jr.'s belongings were gone as well. Turning to the boys, she asked, "Did he tell any of you guys where he was going?"

"He did mention he was going to somewhere 'nice and quiet'," answered A.J.

"...you mean he's committing SUICIDE?"

"Sounds like it...we can't be too sure about it."

Meanwhile, that night, Bert Jr. was sitting somewhere near the lake in the forests within Michigan. Listening to the sound of crickets chirping, he began to reflect on the events of the last four weeks; he was satisfied that his relationship with Natalie was officially over...but then he wondered if it was even enough. He still thought about Maggie, though-what would she do if she were in Natalie's shoes and they made love during a thunderstorm? Perhaps he'll never know.

"Rocky's right," he muttered to himself. "Nothing _is _the same when you leave a woman. You can never go back to the way things were before she came into your life...I can never go back. I can't even _look _back. Natalie was the best thing that's ever happened to me...but now with the big mistake of 'shagging' her-as the Hyena Boys would say-I'm beginning to wonder if my life is worth living. Not any more..."

He was about to throw himself into the lake when he heard a deep elderly male voice booming, "Young one!"

Startled by the loud voice, Bert Jr. stumbled back onto the ground. When he looked up, he sat rooted in shock; the stars in the sky began forming into a ghostly figure in the form of a feral raccoon. It floated towards him, before sitting in the lake on its haunches. Bert Jr. asked, "Who...who are you?"

"I am Procyon," answered the raccoon solemnly. "The ancient guardian spirit of all the raccoons on the earth...and evidently yours as well. I have come to assist you in your time of sorrow..."

"Well, if you're going to assist me, then would you do me a favor and toss me into the lake?"

"And watch you die without telling you exactly how your life is important to you, as is your heritage? Not likely. What you are about to do at this moment will bring more harm to your kin and more dishonor to your ancestors. You have a destiny that I will not allow you to throw away because of that action...a destiny that will change your life and that of the others around you."

"And what does _that _have to do with what I'm going through right now? My heart was broken two times-first when I broke up with Maggie, and secondly when I broke off my engagement with Natalie. My life's not worth living any more, so leave me alone!"

Bert Jr. started walking away, but Procyon grabbed him and placed him upon his giant paw. He said, "To appreciate what you live for in the future, you must remember your past. Just because you have lost your loved ones does not neccessarily mean you can't go on breathing the air you have been drawing in for 22 years. As for your destiny, allow me to recount the tale of the history of your species; you'll know better once you hear of it."

He waved his other paw in the air to take Bert Jr. back in time to the Ice Age. All around them the scenery changed from a quiet forest in Michigan to a frosty cold forest in the heart of the Canadian wilderness. In the trees were more feral raccoons, jumping and climbing from tree to tree and chattering loudly. Some of them were near the river, dipping their paws into the water and pulling out crayfish. Others resided in the trees comfortably, with mother raccoons looking after their young kits.

_"Many years ago, long after the dinosaurs were gone and before the coming of humans, the raccoon race came into existence. The first raccoons on earth weren't like the modern raccoons of today. They did not walk on two legs, but instead walked on all four. They did not talk like humans do, but they communicated in their own language using a wide variety of chatters and trills. They climbed trees and hunted for crayfish in rivers and lakes; it had been their way of living for only a while. Until it happened one morning..."_

The raccoons were going about their daily business when they looked up and their eyes widened in awe. An aurora borealis was forming in the sky, giving it a bright and colorful golden aura that mesmerized the curious creatures. Suddenly, it began to explode and the aura spread all the way from the sky towards the forest, surrounding everything, including the raccoons themselves.

_"They were going about their daily business as usual when they stopped to see a wonderous sight. The sky was all aglow with beautiful colors and a gold aura so stunning, it was impossible even to ignore it. But then, it exploded, and the raccoons and the entire forest itself were instantly covered with that same mystical golden aura; it was bright, until it all disappeared and everything went completely silent."_

After a while, one of the raccoons sat up and rubbed his head. He was both stunned and dazed for a moment, but what surprised him was when he started to groan. He quickly stopped at that and covered his mouth with his paw; when he removed it from his mouth, he murmurred the same sound unsteadily. Then he tried other sounds, and when they came out perfectly he smiled. He scurried right over to his friends and began showing off this new skill. After hearing about it, they tried it and they became amazed to see they're doing the same thing.

_"Nevertheless the raccoons were paralyzed by the sudden explosion. That's when they discovered a new talent they've never achieved before-the power of speech. With this newfound skill, it made their lives much more easier than the usual chatters and trills."_

The raccoons were now seen carrying on about their daily lives, with talking added to the mix. The next scene showed them trying to learn how to walk on only two legs.

_"The most difficult part of their evolution was learning how to walk. Having been used to going on all fours, they wondered why walking on just two could be so hard. However, as time passed, they got better and better, and with that the traditional method of walking on all four legs was soon abandoned. Thus the true anthropomorphic raccoon was born."_

The raccoons were then seen peering over the edge, spying on an early human settlement down below. They whispered and chatted among themselves, smiling and nodding in agreement.

_"By the time the humans arrived, the raccoons secretly observed their way of living and decided to try it out for themselves, with successful results."_

The scenery changed to a small village, where the trees in the forest were now converted into house-like dwellings. There were also woolly mammoths in the village, with raccoons either riding on their backs or riding wooden and stone carts pulled by them. The raccoons even started to wear clothing made out of mammoth fur and skins.

_"The trees they had been living in back when they were feral had been converted into dwellings suitable enough to house an entire family. As opposed to the humans' reckless hunting of woolly mammoths, the raccoons tamed them for only four uses-their fur, their skin, their meat, and as a mode of transportation; sometimes it was not unusual for them to even keep them as pets. Still, they kept the habits they had in their early days, climbing trees and hunting for crayfish. They used the chatters and trills only for warning people of coming danger, like in cases when there's a pack of wolves or even a pride of sabertooth tigers coming to attack their village; they even used them in such special occasions as celebrating a successful fishing season...participating in religious rituals...weddings...births...and more specifically, funerals."_

A group of raccoons were seen walking into a large hallow evergreen tree, carrying offering of nuts, berries, and dried crayfish. Inside the tree was a room, with a huge stone used as an altar and the engraving on the wall that depicted a wild raccoon with lines around it indicating some sort of glowing aura.

_"And of course, they knew exactly who to thank for their miraculous progress. For a long time they thought that the golden aura that transformed them came from some kind of a powerful and all-knowing force. And that force...was me."_

They carefully place the offerings on the stone altar, got down on their knees, and started chanting fervently and happily.

_"They called me 'Procyon', because I was a spiritiual representative of their species. Once every day, in every season of the year, they prayed to me with the hope that I would continue to bless them and protect them for many years to come. Then came the Great Separation..."_

What happened next was a huge tragedy-packs of wolves attacking the village and injuring and killing most of its residents, as well as some mammoths. Thousands of raccoons screamed in terror and tried to get away from their homes...to no avail.

_"The peace they had experienced in the first 200 years quickly faded away, when a pack of hungry wolves invaded the village of Evergreen. They slaughtered almost everything in sight, causing millions of deaths and injuries among the raccoons; it was so unbearable...the bloodiest disaster in the history of the entire raccoon race..."_

Soon, the scene of the massacre ended and it was replaced with the survivors holding a mass funeral for the victims.

_"The following morning, a memorial service was held for the raccoons who had fallen prey at the hands of the merciless wolves. The Grand Council gathered round for an emergency meeting and came to a conclusion that the forest was no longer safe-they suggested that in order to survive, they had to go find a much safer spot to found another village, so long as it is void of any predators. The decision wasn't very easy; while some raccoons agreed with the plan to migrate, many others insisted that they stay in the forest and find ways to protect themselves. Putting up with the constant bickering amongst the tribe, the Grand Council informed them that it is possible to be safe if they all split up. One group of raccoons left the forest in search of other places to build their own settlements, while the other group remained in the forest and invented various methods of protection against predators. Yet another group, not taking any more chances, chose to build their new dwellings underground-the beginning of the Eloi. And that was only just the beginning...in a course of a million years or more, the raccoons migrated from the forests of North America to various places around the world; to this day it is not uncommon to see their descendants living in England, France, Italy, China, India, or even Japan."_

Finally, the scene changed back to the lake, with Procyon still holding Bert Jr. in his paw. He concluded, "So, you see, young one? By choosing to survive and protect themselves from their enemies, your ancestors created their own destiny. Your destiny, determined at birth, was to be a hero and to help other heroes. That's why you shouldn't kill yourself."

"I don't know," replied Bert Jr. with a shrug. "I mean, I've had a lot of trouble in my life before. When I was a kit, I got punched in the nose by a bully. Then in high school he stole Maggie away, before I got her back in the prom...and now with Natalie...my destiny doesn't mean that much to me any more. If only I was strong enough to consider fulfilling it..."

"Then I shall make it so."

He reached out and put his finger onto Bert Jr.'s chest; almost instantly a bright golden aura surrounded the raccoon from head to toe. After that, he removed the finger, continuing, "You are now blessed with unmatched strength and courage; may it give you the ability to face your fears and to never let anything dampen your efforts to make this prophecy come true. Use it wisely, and you will then be able to stand up for yourself without backing down."

Bert Jr. put his paw upon his chest, a new feeling coming over him. He now had strength-most probably superhuman strength-and he was ready to use it to help him determine the path he has chosen to walk down on. He thanked Procyon, before running off from the lake.

The first thing he wanted to do was to apologize to Natalie and attempt to reconcile with her. He returned to Charles Roberts University and went straight to the girls' dormitory, but became disappointed when she was not in her room. All he found was a note taped on the door.

_To Bert Jr.:_

_I'm saddened that you're breaking up with me. I tried looking for you everywhere...but you were nowhere to be seen. I can't believe you just left me behind, because of all the rumors everyone's been spreading around about us. Even Grandpa was horrified._

_I suppose it is my fault for seducing you in my room a couple of weeks ago. And since we can't be together...I might as well take this guilt with me to somewhere where I can truly belong. Goodbye...remember, I'll always love you._

_Oh, one more thing before I go. I went to the doctor's the other day, and I want to let you know that I'm..._

"Bert Jr.! Is that _really _you?!"

He quickly spun around at hearing the familiar nasal-sounding voice and there she was again. He muttered, "N-Nancy? I didn't know you were here."

"I didn't know you were here, either," replied Nancy. "Gosh, what a surprise...my rich grand-uncle gave me a scholarship to attend this school, and yet here you are again. Funny how it seems we keep running into each other, like shoppers with shopping carts who don't watch where they're going, but they keep running into each other again and again and again and again and again..."

"Where's Natalie?"

"Oh...I have no idea. Last time I saw her, she was headed towards the library, and..."

Without saying anything else, Bert Jr. pushed past her and ran out of the dormitory to the library. Once he got there, he scoured the entire facility for any sign of her; he checked every shelf, every table, and every chair in the Computer Room. Still, he came up empty-handed, until he came across a strange book, with the engagement ring that he had given her on top of it. Picking it up and dusting it off, Bert Jr. read the title-it said "Treehouse of Horror". He was about to open it, but a hidden instinct told him that he shouldn't, so instead he placed the book on the shelf and left the library.

"She's gone," he muttered, as Nancy came up to him. "And all she left behind was the ring I gave her."

"I'm terribly sorry about your loss."

"...it won't matter. I'm over her, anyway...but I wonder if she'll ever come back, somehow..."

"At least you still have me. Can't you give me another chance?"

Bert Jr. shook his head and ignored Nancy. He walked past her, going towards the boys' dormitory. He continued, with determination in his voice, "The Bert Raccoon Jr. that you know no longer exists. It's about time I introduced the world to the new-and-improved me."


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

The date of May 1, 2040 was a red-letter day for Bert...or rather, an unfortunate red-letter day in his perspective. With his sons away and attending college, Bert was told time and again by Lisa that only two were enough and that they didn't need another child in the family. But sure enough, thanks to a night in the bedroom after a wild barbeque party thrown at the Armingtons', a third Raccoon child had been conceived and was now on its way.

"BERT!" Lisa shouted at him in the delivery room. "I told you we did _not _need another child! You just had to go ahead and knock me up anyway!"

Bert replied nervously, "S-Sorry, Lisa! It wasn't my fault; it was the peanut butter-flavored wine that did me in!"

"Whatever! Now you'd better help me before I reach out and squeeze that scrawny neck of yours, you two-timing..."

"One more push, Mrs. Raccoon," said Dr. Quack. "One more push, and your kit will be here."

With an extreme force, Lisa began to bear down with a loud scream. While she did that, she quickly grabbed Bert's paw and squeezed it hard, crushing the bones inside it and causing him to holler in pain, before he fainted. He didn't even respond to the sound of an infant's harsh squawking that occured afterwards.

He then woke up to find Dr. Quack, Alex II, Fifi, Bert Jr., Rocky, Ralph, Melissa, Cedric, Sophia, and the rest of the TTC looking over him. Rocky asked, "Dad, are you all right?"

"I-I'm fine," muttered Bert, as Blaze helped him up. "How's...Lisa doing?"

Dr. Quack replied, "She's doing well. And while you were out cold, she had just given birth to a healthy baby boy."

He looked over at Lisa, smiling tiredly and holding a newborn raccoon kit in her arms. The kit had Bert's bent ears, but he had inherited his mother's straight snout. Bert stammered, "What? B-B-But...a third son? How...?"

"This is Sidney," said Lisa softly.

Ralph looked the kit over, taking note of his size. He commented, "Well, he looks kind of small for a healthy kit..."

"Other than that, he's fine," replied Bert, as he took the baby from his wife's arms and gently held him. "Sidney Raccoon...I like that name. How about Sidney Charles Raccoon? I chose the middle name in honor of our old pal."

"I love it."

As the others gathered around to admire the kit, Bert Jr. wasn't too happy with the arrival of his new younger brother. His mind was still on everything that he had gone through in college. He met Natalie...now he lost her...and in the forest he met a guardian spirit who told him about his destiny, to be a hero. Never had he been this determined to make his destiny so real-with a father's advice and a guardian spirit's guidance, it just might help.

"Why the long face, Bert Jr.?" asked Lisa, after the other visitors left. "Is there something on your mind that you didn't get to tell us about?"

Bert Jr. sighed. He answered, "I've been thinking about my destiny...until I learned about it, I wondered why I was different than all the other young men of this generation. Dad...did you ever think I was different?"

Bert nodded. "In many ways, yeah. The difference in our sizes...the difference in our personalities...our tastes in food..."

"I still like peanut butter."

"Oh, yeah, I keep forgetting about that. Now, Bert Jr., about that destiny of yours...from the time you were born, I was hoping and wishing you'd become a great hero. Just like Charles was."

"...not to mention I forgot to tell you that I broke up with Natalie."

Both Bert and Lisa stared at their son in shock. Bert Jr. continued, "Seven years ago, I met her at the entrance of Charles Roberts University. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my whole life...right next to Maggie. We were together for almost four years; I proposed to her after a football game. And then I made the biggest mistake in my life..."

"You killed her?" said Lisa.

"NO! I MATED WITH HER!"

Bert Jr.'s yelling made Baby Sidney wake up with a cry. Bert frowned and said, "Now look what you've done! You woke your little brother up!"

"Well, sorry," replied Bert Jr. sarcastically. "I didn't even know. If it wasn't for that, we would've been happily married and I still would have sported a big smile on my face!"

_Young one! Stop yourself...and remember what I had told you._

Bert Jr. paused and nodded at his guardian spirit's silent exhortation. He went on, "...after seeking advice from Rocky, I went to a lake in Michigan and sat there to ponder on my problems. I was at the point of giving up and taking my own life when he showed up. He revealed himself to be Procyon, the guardian spirit of raccoons."

"Procyon?" asked Lisa, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah. Millions of years ago, he was responsible for giving the first raccoons on earth the gift of speech and teaching them how to walk like humans do." He proceeded to tell them the history of the raccoon race, from the time they learned how to do those things to the time of the Great Separation. After hearing the whole story, Bert and Lisa were amazed.

"Wow," whispered Bert. "And just to think it all started with the aura..."

Bert Jr. smiled proudly. Now that he made a confession and told them the whole story, it made him feel a whole lot better. But little did he know that, somewhere in the ruins of Old Atlanta and 976 years from now, a unique and stunning twist to the bloodline would soon be revealed.

A month after graduating from college in June, he accompanied his brother and parents to Tokyo for the Anime Convention. Charles Roberts III was also there, to sign autographs and take pictures with his fans. It was there that Bert gave a speech concerning his acceptance as the host of the convention, and by the time he was finished the audience cheered.

Bert Jr. smiled and said, "Nice choice of words, Dad."

"Thank you," replied Bert. "Hey, maybe when you become president one day, you can be the host of this convention."

"I would love to consider that."

Suddenly, there was a large explosion that rocked the convention center. Chaos ensued as millions of fans ran for their lives. Looking around for the source of the commotion, Alex II said, "What was that?"

"It was ME!"

It was Rayian Fox, Charles Roberts' old nemesis, appearing along with his family. He roared, "IT'S TIME TO GET MY REVENGE ON YOU!"

"Not on your life!" replied Bert boldly. He quickly loaded up his laser gun and continued, "Let's go!"

Bert Jr. watched as his dad and the others sprung into action to fight the vampire family. Now a cop-in-training, he was more than welcome to come help his father's friends. So he loaded up his laser gun and began fighting one of Rayian's family members. In the middle of the fight, he looked up and saw Rayian knocking Bert to the ground, causing the gun to drop out of his paw. Rayian laughed evilly, before saying, "Now you're gonna be one of us, President Raccoon! Together, we shall rule the world!" And then he prepared to bite Bert in the neck.

Bert Jr. was shocked, but then he became angry. Nobody dare to mess with his father! He shouted, "Dad! NOOOOOOOOO!" He rushed forward, pushed Bert out of the way, and used his tail to whack Rayian in the face. The vampire fox hissed, before he snapped back and bit Bert Jr.'s tail. The young raccoon yelled in pain.

"Rayian's got the president's son!" shouted Alex II. "Razor, you and Tammy pull Bert Jr. to safety. I'll deal with that furry monster yet!"

Razor and Tammy rushed in and dragged the unconscious Bert Jr. away from the battlefield. As he was being dragged away, he began to black out, the visions and voices of his past echoing in his head...

_"I wished that the bestest big bwother in da whole wide world would also be my bestest fwiend."_

_"...I'll always have a place for you in my heart."_

_" 'Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say good night till it be morrow.' "_

_" 'Sleep well upon thine eyes, peace in thy breast, would I were sleep and peace, so sweet to rest. Hence will I to my ghostly sire's close cell, his help to crave and my dear hap to tell'..."_

He woke up to find himself lying in a hospital room. To his left was a bag of medicinal serum, with thin tubes going straight into his arm; to his right were the machines monitoring his heart rate and respiration. Carefully sitting up to check his bushy tail, he discovered a big diagonal scar across its tip.

Just then, Nose Marie came into his room and sat at his bedside. She said, "It's a lucky thing you were still alive after that nasty vampire bite, honey lamb."

"I know," he murmurred. "And I could've immediately turned into a vampire in an instant...but I guess it just didn't kick in."

"Your parents had told me what happened to you a couple of years ago. I'm sorry you had to break up with your sweetheart."

"Look, I don't want you to bring that up again. I'm over her, remember?"

Nose Marie looked at him, before taking his paw and placing it into hers. She said, "Then I hope you won't mind me telling you what happened to me. About a month ago...Cooler and I got into an argument..."

Bert Jr. asked, "What was it all about?"

"...you wouldn't want to know. But it was so terrible! He told me he didn't want to see me again, and we've been together ever since we first met at the pound. Now I don't know who to trust any more."

She began to break down and cry. Bert Jr. thought for a moment, then turned to her with a reassuring smile. He said "Nose Marie, running away from your problems doesn't solve anything; taking the time to calm yourself down and figure things out does."

"What on earth does that mean?" asked Nose Marie. "I've never had any problems...but I suppose I _may _have some..."

"Then I hope you won't mind me giving you a peace of mind by being your new boyfriend."

Nose Marie stared at him in shock. Due to an age difference, that could or could not be possible, considering that she's much older than him. But since she wasn't willing to take any more chances...

"I'd love it," she replied, smiling back.

Bert Jr. had chosen to follow his younger brother's example by dating a Pound Puppy. For many years, they were inseparable; their being together turned heads and prompted even the most wisest of all men to ponder why would she date a man much younger than her.

Meanwhile, the Raccoon family continued to grow. Although she was still upset for giving birth to a child she didn't need, Lisa forgave Bert with a promise that she'd be willing to have as many children as she could ever want, and he happily obliged. Just as she predicted, a fourth Raccoon kit arrived 412 years later on September 6, 2452-James Byron Raccoon. Another one, christened Andrew Raccoon, came along on January 18, 2928. What set him apart from the rest of his siblings was obvious; the day he was born, the doctors had to get him out via C-section due to his size.

Then finally on June 16, 3001, after five sons, a daughter arrived. She was the third one, next to Bert Jr. and James, to possess some remarkable resemblance to one parent-she looked exactly like her mom. They named her Moselle Raccoon.

For a long time, Bert Jr. and Nose Marie had been lovers. But on a starry summer night during the 4th of July, he realized this would be the perfect time to actually "take the next step"...again. Gazing at the engagement ring his ex-girlfriend left behind all those years ago, Bert Jr. imagined it fitting Nose Marie's finger; it would be the best night ever...at least it was, until disaster struck.

That night, he took Nose Marie out to dinner at the Bella Notte Italian Restaurant. There, they had a simple but nice candlelit dinner-chicken fettucine alfredo, along with toasted French bread. Then they walked towards the pier to watch the fireworks; it was at this moment that Bert Jr. chose this time to set his plan in action.

"Wouldn't you believe it?" said Nose Marie. "It's been 1,231 years since this nation became free...and 992 years since your daddy made it even more so. I couldn't help but wonder where we'd be if George Washington never became president..."

"_It's showtime_," Bert Jr. thought with a confident smile. He turned to Nose Marie and said, "If that ever happened, we would never have the freedom to be who we are today...the freedom to live...the freedom to die...or the freedom to love people like you. Which leads to one question..." He reached into his pocket and, as he got down on one knee in front of her, took out the engagement ring to show it to her. "As a kit, you've nurtured me. And as a grown man, you've comforted me and gave me the strength to move on with my life. Now at this moment, here in my paw is the object that used to give me hope...until you came back to make it better."

Nose Marie looked at the ring, completely speechless. She thought it was some kind of a joke, but when she reached out to touch it...oh, it was real, all right. She whispered, "It's beautiful."

"Sure, but not as beautiful as you are," replied Bert Jr. "And I think this is right for me to ask you...Nose Marie, will you..."

"HEY, SHRIMP!"

A loud, obnoxious (and obviously _very _angry) voice rang out from across the pier, startling Bert Jr. and interrupting his proposal. He could recognize that voice from somewhere...it was Bruno! He was standing at the entrance of the pier, glaring at him from a distance. He snarled, "You may have gotten away from me this time, but I still have a bone to pick with you for what you did to me back at the prom!"

"Bruno!" said Bert Jr., clinching his fists. "Just when I thought you've given up and promised to leave me alone..."

"That was only a ruse to make you let your guard down. Now that I'm back, you are so long overdue for some serious ass-whoopin'! And don't think you're gonna escape from me like you did last time!"

"I hope you have enough good luck to make it through the next fight. Look at how much I've matured over the years-I'm stronger and better than I was ever before."

"Oh, really? If you claim to be stronger than me...then prove it! I DARE ya!"

Bert Jr. glared at him. Now he _really _wanted Bruno out of the picture for good. Rolling up his sleeves, he started going towards the bulldog. Nose Marie warned, "Bert Jr., please don't do this. You'll get hurt if you try to take that bulldog down...Bert Jr.? Bert Jr.! No!"

POW!

The hard punch connected to Bruno's face and he was sent hurtling to the ground. Bert Jr. went over, picked him up, and slammed him against the wall of a nearby shack. He growled, "You have bullied me far enough, Bruno. Now it's about time I bullied _you _for a change..."

He pulled him away from the wall and began beating him up brutally. At a seafood restaurant near the pier, Rocky and Bright Eyes were enjoying dinner. Rocky said, "You know we have been together for quite a while, huh?"

"I sure do," replied Bright Eyes. "Those were the best years of my life. What have you got in mind this time?"

"In answer to your question...it's this."

He got up from the table and got down on one knee; as he did so, he got out a black box and opened it to show her an engagement ring. He continued, "Bright Eyes, I love you, and I always will for the rest of my natural life. Will you marry me?"

"Oh...my goodness..."

"You like it? Well, it's not much, but that was all I could find at the jewelry store. Now, as I was saying, are you going to marry me or...uh, B.E., what are you looking at?"

"Your brother!"

Bright Eyes was pointing outside the window by their table, where they witnessed Bert Jr. mauling Bruno. Seeing this made Rocky's jaw drop slightly, before he reached into his pocket and took out his cell phone. "Dad? It's me, Rocky. Listen, we've got a huge problem..."

Meanwhile, Bert Jr. continued to beat up the bulldog; by that time, his body was covered in cuts and bruises and he had a serious case of a nosebleed. Every single bone from his body, including his arms and legs, were all broken and bent out of shape. Bert Jr. picked Bruno up once more and brought him over to the side of the pier. Hanging him over the ice-cold water below, he said, "This is your last chance to save yourself. Are you gonna apologize? Or do you have any last words, before I drown your sorry tail?"

"You couldn't just let it go, could you, shrimp?" retorted Bruno. "No matter what you do to me, I'll always keep coming back for more. You know what they say-'What goes around, comes around.' Deal with it!"

"Not a chance!"

He dropped him into the water and watched as Bruno tried desperately to keep himself afloat, until he couldn't stay up any longer. Nose Marie ran up to hug him tightly. Bert Jr. turned to her and said, "I'm so sorry, Nose Marie. I know I could have finished the question before this loser showed up, and..."

She didn't reply; she just slapped him in the face. She shouted, "I don't believe it! I told you you could have hurt yourself that way. That was, by far, the most brutal, foolish, unruly, reckless..." She paused, then leaned in to kiss him. She then continued sweetly, "...bravest thing I've ever seen you do. In fact, I never expected you to stand up for yourself. And you did a really fantastic job at that."

"So...does that mean you'll still marry me?"

Nose Marie pondered for a moment, quite unsure about what to say. Just then, they heard police and ambulance sirens, and turned around to see not only the police and medics, but their family and friends. They were all glaring at Bert Jr., both in anger and in shock. He muttered, "I...I can explain..."

"Bert Jr.!" shouted Lisa, running up to hug him. "Thank goodness you're still all right. We just got a call from Rocky, and he told us you were caught up in a scuffle with Bruno!"

"...how did you know it was him?"

Bert replied, "I caught him throwing a short kid nicknamed 'Peanuts' into the elephants' pen at the Washington DC Zoo the other day."

"Anyway, I'm sorry. I could've avoided the situation, but he just...came out of nowhere and...challenged me. So I had to beat him for it. Now, before there are any further interruptions...Nose Marie?"

She looked up. "Yes?"

Bert Jr. got back down on one knee like he did before, and took out the engagement ring. He said, "What I was actually going to say, before Bruno came to mess it all up, was this...I love you, and I always will for the rest of my natural life..."

"That's what I had said to you earlier," Rocky whispered to Bright Eyes.

"...Nose Marie, will you marry me?"

Still speechless, Nose Marie stared at him. Silence reigned. Then Rocky, with a cheerful smile, began to drum his paws rhythmically and chanted, "Say 'yes'! Say 'yes'! Say 'yes'!"

Bright Eyes soon joined in the chanting, as did everyone else, including the police officers and the medics. Looking around at all the people chanting, Nose Marie slowly began to smile; she had no choice but to comply with their request. She turned back to Bert Jr. and, with a warm and tearful smile, she said, "Yes...yes, a million times, yes! Of course, I will be glad to marry you!"

As Bert Jr. and Nose Marie began to hug and share a tender kiss, everyone cheered wildly. Bert cheered the loudest in excitement, while Lisa smiled tearfully and wiped a tear from her eye. Placing the engagement ring on her finger, Bert Jr. whispered, "You've made my life even more complete...now I'll never be alone..."

With that, she hugged each other one more time, before going home to celebrate their engagement.


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

The engagement lasted for only a year, with the wedding to be set in September. This, in due respect, was good news for Bert Jr.; by that time he had fully healed from the emotional wounds he recieved all those years ago and was ready to start over once again. But nothing prepared him for that June morning when he heard the most stunning news he ever got in his life-the return of his long-dormant godfather Charles Roberts.

It was a bright and early morning, and Bert Jr. was still fast asleep in his room. Like him, his bedroom had undergone a complete makeover; after having had the same jungle-themed wallpaper since early childhood, he decided it was time to actually "grow up." Gone was the green paint that graced each of the four walls and made the whole room look bright and cheery; the jungle animals depicted on the walls were gone as well, a sure sign that his 993-year "childhood" has officially come to an end. The nursery furniture were already put away in the storage room within the White House for future use. And where the smiling jungle animals once stood, the now-blank walls were dotted with posters of various rock bands/artists like Def Leppard, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, Cheap Trick, and more. Now that the vestiges of his childhood were gone, Bert Jr. had made his room his very own.

"Calling all Raccoons! Calling all Raccoons!" his father's voice rang through the intercom. "Wake up and meet me in the Oval Office immediately! Rise and shine!"

Bert Jr. got up out of his bed and sat up to stretch and yawn. As he got dressed and went to follow his brothers, he began to wonder what did he wanted this time. By the time they arrived in the Oval Office, he asked, "So…what's the news, Dad?"

Rocky added, "Is it an emergency?"

"Boys," began Bert. "The reason why I called you all here is because I got a report from Skiles Prower this morning. He said he and the others have found my old friend in a Cryo-Freezer in Neo-Detroit. His name is Charles Roberts…the ex-president of this country. Now, the first thing we're going to do tomorrow is to head out to Los Angeles and witness Mr. Roberts' reawakening. I can't wait to show him all the things I did to make Canerica much safer than ever before. So we all have to get ready…"

This stunned Bert Jr. greatly. His godfather is back...the godfather he never got to grow up with is finally coming back! It's been far too long since he last saw him. Assimilating all the facts into his head, he started thinking about what he should say if he ever met him. Should he tell him how his life went? Introduce him to his siblings? Or, is it even possible to still call him "Uncle Charles" any more? So many questions, so little answers. Bert Jr. wasn't sure what to do, but he hoped that, when the day comes, he'd be able to recognize him.

On the morning of the reawakening, the presidential family traveled all the way to Los Angeles to greet their old friend at the NIPF (National Institute for Past Figures) headquarters. Sure enough, Charles woke up from the Cryo-Freezer and was amazed at what became of the country he once ruled over; in the distance he can see President Bert Raccoon, with First Lady Lisa Raccoon and Blaze the Cat, along with his children. Watching Charles being reunited with Blaze, Bert Jr. couldn't help but smile. He hasn't changed very much in years...except for the clothes he wore when he first went into the Cryo-Freezer many years before.

While they were preparing Charles for his transformation into a cat-dragon hybrid, an affiliate of the TTC (Time Toon Cops) was called in to train him once the transformation is complete-that person was a former LAPD operative named Eugenia Victoria Dudley, A.K.A. "PowerPaws". A genetically-engineered and genetically-enhanced Mixer with the DNA of a raccoon and a human, PowerPaws had become the youngest police officer in the force since joining the department at the tender age of 16; she worked there for over two years, before quitting to join the TTC as their teammate/trainer. The Raccoon family had met her many times before, the first time being at the job fair where she was recruiting young men and women for her department's crew.

What happened next after that was a blur. Getting back in action for the first time since the incident at the Anime Convention, the Time Toon Cops' newest mission was to stop an evil spirit named Morgana O'Shannon from overthrowing all the governments of the empire and taking over the world; they later found out that somebody else, Jackson Roberts (Charles' older brother), was helping her accomplish her long-awaited deed in return for letting her help him find a way to defeat his younger brother. The case eventually evolved into an epic battle at the Neo-Fairlane Mall in Detroit, which ended with Morgana and Jackson escaping their clutches. Maybe they would get them at another time, but for now they must relax...and that's exactly what they did.

During that mission, Bentley Raccoon met and fell in love with Alex II's adopted cousin, Vanessa Armington; although most of the Armington family were either full-blooded squirrels or human/squirrel hybrids, she was always the odd one out because of her vulpine nature. But what they did not know (and will find out later on) is that she was actually a Kitsune, from Japan. Born Suki Kitsune, one of the twin daughters of a prominent clan of Japanese foxes, she went missing in a seafaring accident when she was only four years old. She was then discovered by the Armingtons and they adopted her into their family; ever since that day she's been working for the team as their top photographer and spy. A couple of months after the mission was over, Bentley and Vanessa were happily married, sealing the bond of both the Raccoon Family and the Armington Family forever.

At last, September came. The presidential limo pulled up near the First Amalgamated Church in New York, and the First Family got out to enter it. Since it was discovered that both of his sons were engaged to their girlfriends at the same time, Bert decided it would be a double wedding. In a room inside the chapel, Bert Jr. and Rocky were changing into their tuxedos, while their brides were in the other room changing into their gowns. Adjusting his bow tie, Rocky said, "Well, this is it, big bro-the big day we all have been waiting for has finally arrived. Are you feeling nervous?"

"A little, but I'm all right," replied Bert Jr., combing his fur-hair. "I missed out on the opportunity to marry a long time ago; so far, this could very well be my second chance..."

"Or rather, your _third _chance. Your heart was broken twice, remember?"

"Yeah. First with Maggie, then with Natalie. And now...for the third time in a row I'm in love again, with Nose Marie."

"That makes you the luckiest man alive just to have her in your life. Here's hoping you'll have a long and happy marriage with her."

"I can say the same about you and Bright Eyes."

"Thanks."

Just then, Super Snooper walked in. A week earlier, he and Selena Roberts had tied the knot in that same church. He said, "Bert Jr., Rocky, someone's here to see you." The boys looked up to see the Hyena Boys come in, cheering. D.J. said, "B-Man! Long time no see, dude!"

"D.J.?" asked Bert Jr. "You and your brothers are here for the wedding?"

"You bet! After hearing about you getting married to that Pound Puppy, I thought we might like to stop by and offer our services to you as your best men."

"But I wanted only one. That's all right with me, though."

P.J. asked, "How was the bachelor party last night? I hope we didn't miss it."

"It was a happy affair," answered Rocky calmly. "No alcohol, no female strippers, no worries...although, unfortunately, Sidney managed to just sneak in a few strippers..."

Bert Jr. added, "Other than that, everything went smoothly as planned."

D.J. nodded, before reaching into his coat pocket and taking out an envelope. He said, "By the way, dude, while we were in Springfield we stopped by Maggie's place. She asked me to give this to you."

Bert Jr. stared at them. "You...you know her? I mean, I didn't tell you guys about her?"

He took the envelope, opened it, and started reading the letter.

_Dear Bert Jr.,_

_I heard you're getting married this week...congrats. It's been far too long since I've last replied to your letter years ago; so much has been going on in my life that I never took the time to write back to you. I'm surprised about your decision to break up with me because you've found a new girl-that's fine with me. I think I can manage without you for a while, but we'll still keep in touch._

_I just wanted to see how things are going with you and your folks back in Washington DC; also, I'd like to give you a piece of advice to help your marriage get stronger with every passing year. My advice, though it's simple, is this...sometimes it's okay to look back. As long as you remain connected to your past, you will be able to see the future. Ciao._

_Yours truly,  
Maggie Simpson_

Bert Jr. blinked. The advice his ex-girlfriend had given him sounded almost similar to what Procyon said during his lecture at the lake: _"__To appreciate what you live for in the future, you must remember your past..."_

Just then, Ralph peeked in and pointed at his watch, a signal to the boys that it's time to go to the altar and wait for Nose Marie and Bright Eyes. Bert Jr. nodded and said, "Okay, Great-Uncle Ralph, we're coming." To the Hyena Boys, he continued, "Thanks for the letter, guys."

"No problem!" they replied, as they followed them towards the automatic doors.

The interior of the church was beautifully decorated for the occasion. Brick-lined walls covered every side of the room, and there were stained glass windows in bright hues of light-blue, aquarmarine, lavender, and teal. The rug that formed the path to the altar was burgundy, as was the tablecloth on the table that held two separate candles. On both sides of the table were pillar vases that held beautiful orchids, and on the farther right side was a stand where the marriage certificate would be signed.

Sitting in the aisles were the families of the brides and grooms, as well as all of their close friends-including the dogs whom the Pound Puppies have helped find homes for in the past. They watched as Bert Jr., Rocky, and the Hyena Boys walked up the aisle towards the altar, greeted Father Changstein-El-Gamal there, and stood there to wait.

Finally, the music started and the bridesmaids started walking down the aisle, along with the ushers. Moselle and Dolly Raccoon (Bert and Ralph's daughters) resumed their roles as flower girls, sprinkling rose petals along the way. When the Bridal March began to play, everyone stood up and looked towards the automatic doors. And when the doors opened...

...Nose Marie and Bright Eyes, resplendent in their wedding gowns, slowly walked down the aisle with their fathers. Bert Jr. and Rocky were almost blown away by their natural beauty; even Nose Marie looked more beautiful with a rose nestled behind her ear. As soon as they arrived at the altar, the boys took their paws in theirs, and turned to face Father El-Gamal.

He began, "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to witness the love of Bert Raccoon Jr., Nose Marie Spaniel, Rocky Raccoon, and Beatrice 'Bright Eyes' Furceau, in holy matrimony, and to share in the support of the union of the Raccoon family and the Spaniel and Furceau families as one. Now, if there is anyone who has cause why these two couples should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace."

Nobody in the church said a word; that meant the ceremony can continue. Turning to Bert Jr., Father El-Gamal continued, "Bert Alexander Raccoon Jr., do you take Nose Marie to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together in the state of matrimony? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her in sickness and in health, and be good to her for all time?"

Bert Jr. took a deep breath, smiled warmly, and replied, "I do."

"And Nose Marie Spaniel, do you take Bert Jr. to be your lawfully wedded husband, to live together in the state of matrimony? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him in sickness and in health, and be good to him for all time?"

"I do," answered Nose Marie with a nod.

Father El-Gamal directed the same question to both Rocky and Bright Eyes, and they each answered, "I do." He then said to all present, "Now for the exchange of rings..."

Bert Jr. glanced up at the Hyena Boys, wanting to know where they kept the rings. D.J. nodded and reached into his pocket to take out a small gold case that held four golden rings-two for Bert Jr. and Nose Marie, and two more for Rocky and Bright Eyes. The couples took the rings and started exchanging them.

"Oh, Bert Jr.," whispered Nose Marie. "It's beautiful."

Bert Jr. replied, "Sure, but not as beautiful as _you _are..."

Father El-Gamal concluded, "Then by the power vested in me, in the authority of the First Amalgamated Church, I now pronounce you both husbands and wives. May the gods of all religions and the spirits of your ancestors bless you through all your days." He intoned in a mixture of Latin and Hebrew, before continuing, "And now you may smash the glass cups and kiss your brides."

At Bert Jr.'s signal, A.J. and P.J. set down two glass cups, both of them wrapped together in a silk handkerchief. Bert Jr. and Rocky were about to smash them with their feet when they paused to think. Bert Jr. asked, "Rocky, you've ever thought about what will happen in our future?"

"You'll never know until it does," replied Rocky, shrugging.

"That's great to hear...because with Nose Marie by my side, mine's going to be a lot brighter. Bros 'til the end?"

"Brothers for life."

With that, they smashed the cups to pieces and shared a kiss with Nose Marie and Bright Eyes, as everyone around them cheered wildly.

At the reception in the Ritz-Carlton Hotel, Alex II and his wife Fifi came up to Bert Jr., preparing to give him the greatest wedding present he's ever received in his entire life. Alex II said, "Bert Jr., you know you're still a cop-in-training, right?"

"Yes," replied Bert Jr. "What about it?"

"Well, Fifi here convinced me that it was about time we started taking you up another level. From now on, you're no longer a cop-in-training...but a full-fledged Time Toon Cop."

Bert Jr.'s eyes widened in surprise, as he was handed a small golden badge with the insignia of the TTC engraved into it. "Really? You...you truly mean it?"

"I always stay true to my word. But I need to remind you that a cop isn't a cop unless he or she recites the TTC Creed-the vow everyone needs to take if they want to be part of our team."

"Well, in that case...count me in!"

Everyone watched as he stood up from his table. Alex II said, "Now put your left paw up and your right paw on your heart, and repeat after me. 'I, Bert Alexander Raccoon Jr.'..."

"Do you mind if I recited the whole vow?" asked Bert Jr. "I know all the words by heart, just by hearing it so many times from other members."

"Go right ahead."

Bert Jr. nodded, before beginning. "I, Bert Alexander Raccoon Jr., do solemnly swear, in the name of all that stands for peace in the empire of the United States of Canerica, to fulfill all the duties of a Time Toon Cop; to protect and serve, uphold all rights, and maintain the balance of law and order in the empire and its environs and territories."

"Very good! Congratulations, you're now officially a Time Toon Cop."

Bert Jr. beamed proudly, as others around him applauded. Then, Bert ran up to him, tears of happiness pouring down his face. He shouted, "I knew it! I just _knew _it! My wish that I had made for you at your birth has finally come true, Bert Jr.-you're now a hero!"

"Yes, Dad," replied Bert Jr., hugging him back. "I am...I truly am..."


End file.
